


Silent

by crybabywonu



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 13:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16995852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crybabywonu/pseuds/crybabywonu
Summary: Jihoon finds love in a cup of coffe.





	1. Silent

**Author's Note:**

> This is all just fluff, the nsfw stuff starts in the next chapter. You can choose to not read it as this one can stand by itself. Enjoy!

Jihoon was a quiet boy, he’d come in every day at the same time, order the same thing, and sit at the same spot, occasionally changing books. It seemed like the only thing that changed about him were his outfits, and- once in a blue moon- his hair. He greeted the barista with the sweetest smile every time, sometimes he didn’t look so cheerful, he could only suppose that he wasn’t feeling it on those days. Still, nothing changed.

This was just the way things were.

One day, he didn’t come in. The day after the same thing happened. A week passed and there was no sign of Jihoon anywhere. In the middle of the second week of his absence, he showed up.

 _“ Jihoon! How are you? You kinda fell off the face of the Earth for a bit! I almost went out of business without you!”_ The barista joked, to which he chuckled a bit with that warm smile of his, dimples and all. Truthfully, Jihoon was the cutest person he’d ever seen.

 _“Happy to see you too, Soonyoung. Sorry for disappearing like that, I took a little break from everything, you know? I needed a little change of scenery, some inspiration.”_ He said, still smiling. The air around him felt peaceful, it was warm and light just as he was.

He took up his routine again, except he didn’t pick up books now. He sat at his spot and wrote. He brought in a little notebook and just wrote for hours on end. Soonyoung took it upon himself to take another cup of coffee to Jihoon’s table every so often to try to catch a peek of his writing. He didn’t get much at first, but what he did see were fancy, discriptive words. It peaked his curiosity, but you didn’t want to invade his privacy so Soonyoung didn’t ask about it.

So, Jihoon worked like this every day, he saw less and less bad days and more good, productive days.

Every so often he made little changes to his routine, from ordering a different drink, to chatting a little longer than usual, on one of these days Soonyoung heard Jihoon laugh for the first time, it wasn’t just a giggle or a hearty chuckle. It was a loud, genuine laugh; which, in turn, made him laugh too.

Soon he started staying until the shop closed, so he saw Jihoon more as he would be the last person out. They’d chat as Soonyoung  closed the front doors, then they’d say their goodbye’s and walk off in the dark down separate ways. He enjoyed talking to Jihoon when he got the chance, so he took up sitting with him while he wrote. It didn’t matter that nothing was said, Soonyoung understood he was concentrated in his own little world. He’d often remind Jihoon that taking a break now and then is good so he wouldn’t overwork himself, so when he did take little breaks in between writing sessions, they talked.

He came to know Jihoon better, he told Soonyoung about how he hoped to be a published author in the coming years. That he was just writing little stories or poems for now, or writing down ideas that came to him. Not necessarily long detailed things, maybe some dialogue or a clever way to describe something. Some pretense, some context sentence that he could use sometime, even just words or names. All in anticipation that one of these days a grand idea would come to him and he could begin writing something lengthier from it.

Jokingly, Soonyoung told him that he should show him one of his poems.  Jihoon became flustered by his request and immediately tried to hide the words on his page with his hands, insisting that _‘it isn’t any good.’_ He didn’t believe it for a second, but he let it go with a laugh stating the obvious that he was kidding. Jihoon’s face had turned a bright shade of red, seemingly embarrassed by his own inordinate reaction to something so mundane, but he composed himself and he, too, carried on like nothing happened.

 For some reason, Soonyoung found this the cutest thing in the world. What could he possibly be hiding in that little notebook of his? Whatever it was, he would probably never find out.

The problem was that Jihoon never left his things unattended, so this made things slightly more difficult; meaning Soonyoung would have to find a way to make him leave the table even for a minute. Which proved harder than he’d anticipated. Soon, however the whole idea had to be discarded, since Jihoon came in one day with a brand new notebook. So he gave up on his little quest of figuring out what that precious notebook contained.

 _“Do you like working here, Soonyoung?”_ Jihoon asked one day. To be perfectly honest, he really did love his little shop.

He’d opened it a few years back and Jihoon was one of the first people to keep coming back. He can recall it perfectly, he’d walked in and looked around taking in the environment. The smell of brewed coffee being particularly strong since it was a very busy day. He’d ordered an espresso, and looked around for a place to sit while he waited for his coffee. Most of the tables were taken except one in a corner that had two bookshelves forming said corner. It was a table for four people, but Jihoon sat there alone. He began examining the rows of books around him, settling for _1984_ by George Orwell. He was there until he got about halfway into the book, and said nothing on his way out except giving Soonyoung a brief glance and small smile. He definitely thought he’d never see that mysterious boy again, so of course it came as a surprise to him when he walked in a few days after, ordering the same thing, sitting in the same place, and picking up the same book. That’s how his little routine had started, and now here they were.

 _“I do, I love it actually. I enjoy what I do a lot, even if not many people come in. Like any place there’s busy days and days that it’s like a ghost town, except for you.”_ He answered, giving Jihoon a little nudge. He smiled at Soonyoung, and looked at the cups in front of him.

 _“Yeah, I liked it here the first time I came in. It’s quiet, the coffee’s good, the aura is nice and calm, plus you’re here.”_ His head shot up when he spoke the last word, so did Soonyoung’s. They looked at each other without saying anything. _“I- I mean… i- it’s just… you’re really nice. To me. Not many people talk to me y- you know?”_ Jihoon lied, stumbling over his own words making Soonyoung laugh. Jihoon had plenty of friends, but Soonyoung did something to him that was inexplicable. He hoped his cover was good enough.

 _“Yeah, I guess I am, huh? I consider you my friend, so why shouldn’t I treat you like so? You’re also my best customer, things feel odd when you don’t show.”_ He said, Jihoon seemed a little more relaxed. Just a little. They continued like nothing, but his words echoed in the back of Soonyoung’s head, _‘you’re here… you’re really nice to me.’_ It was all very surreal for some reason. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. That night while he walked home, he couldn’t help but keep thinking about it. Why had Jihoon reacted that way to something so seemingly ordinary? His heart raced a little when he thought of what he’d said, his tone, his little fond smile. He caught himself smiling about it. Jihoon did something to him, although he wasn’t really sure what that _something_ was. Soonyoung only hoped that, whatever it was, he felt it too.

The weeks that followed were particularly busy ones, ‘tis the season after all. It was always in the winter that people filled Soonyoung’s otherwise quiet little shop. It was during this time that he put up books for sale, some wrapped so people could maybe try something new. Regardless of how busy the place was, the table they always shared remained empty. Not many groups of 3 or more came in, it was mostly couples and people looking for a place to warm up for a bit.

As a result, Soonyoung was busier than usual, meaning he had less time to spend with Jihoon throughout the day. Jihoon didn’t mind, sometimes when he was catching a break he stared at Soonyoung, he saw him working away at the counter. Flashing that cute eye smile of his at the customers. Although he was busy, he was happy. He was doing what he loved doing. Jihoon watched him intently, his heart fluttered unexpectedly when Soonyoung caught a sight of him staring, causing Jihoon to blush and advert his eyes to the mug before him, smiling shyly to himself. For a while, that was the routine, Soonyoung would stay at the counter most of the day, and Jihoon quietly worked in the corner, occasionally stealing glances of Soonyoung making 3 cups of coffee at a time, or dealing with a particularly annoying customer. All the same, he always had a smile on his face.

 When everything calmed down a bit, Soonyoung took his place at Jihoon’s corner and reversed the roles by observing him write page after page.

 

The night before Christmas day, as they were about to part ways, Jihoon spoke up.

 _“Hey, Soonyoung, a-are you doing anything tomorrow?”_ He sounded so shy, it melted Soonyoung’s heart.

_“I was thinking of opening the shop. I think I’ll close early and go home, but I’m not sure yet. Why?”_

Jihoon seemed unsure of if he should speak, he thought it over for a second.

 _“I was just wondering, if you wanted to spend the day with me. Y-you don’t have to, I understand if you’re busy...”_ His voice trailed off at the end of his sentence.

 _“That sounds great, Jihoon! We can spend the day together!”_ Soonyoung sounded ecstatic, he was practically beaming. Jihoon opened his notebook, wrote something, ripped the page out, and handed it to him. He examined it, it was Jihoon’s number. Soonyoung thanked him, they said their goodbye’s and walked off. He was so happy, he texted Jihoon immediately so he’d have his number too. And even though he wouldn’t admit it, Soonyoung’s cheeks burned and turned a deep crimson color. It was an unexpected happiness, he sort of scared himself.

His mind went back to what Jihoon had once told him.

_‘… you’re here.’_

That night, as Jihoon cleaned up his place, he must have gone over the exchange a million times. He groaned when he thought about how weak his voice must have sounded. No one made him nearly as nervous as Soonyoung, but why? They were _friends_ , he reminded himself, but his heart couldn’t help but race whenever he got a little too close to him while trying to catch a peek of whatever it was that he was writing. He thought of how comforting Soonyoung’s voice was, and how great his laughter was… He quickly tried to shake it from his mind.

He realized then, he was afraid of what it all might mean.

 

The next morning as Soonyoung got closer to his shop, he saw a small figure leaning on a streetlight. He smiled wide when he realized who was standing there. It was Jihoon, and he was holding a wrapped package under his arm.

 _“You’re up early! I didn’t expect to see you so soon!”_ He chuckled, Jihoon smiled at this. 

 _“Ah, merry Christmas to you too, Soonyoung.”_ He said with a laugh, and allowed him to open.

Once they were inside, Jihoon handed him the package. _“I brought you something, but you can’t open it yet okay?”_ Reluctantly, Soonyoung complied. For the first time, Jihoon saw how he got the shop to look so nice all the time. Today it was just Soonyoung, usually he had other baristas helping out but he predicted the day would be the calmest one.

He was right, only a total of 10 people came in throughout the morning. By afternoon he was ready to close, until the phone rang. Which was a little unusual, but he answered anyway. It was someone asking if they were still open, he wanted to host a little get together in around an hour in the shop. Soonyoung very reluctantly replied that he’d host them, he just needed to know how many people were coming and what they’d like to have. After exchanging details, he hung up and let out a long sigh and leaned into the wall behind him.

 _“You okay there?”_ Jihoon asked, a little concerned.

 _“Yeah, just some guy who wants to host a thing here. I have to get everything ready in an hour, I’m guessing they’re not going to leave until closing time.”_ He replied, sounding defeated. Still he moved to the back and stayed there for a bit. Jihoon heard the clanking of metal materials, and grew curious so he got up and went to check up on him. There he found Soonyoung getting ingredients for what he could only guess would be some sort of dessert. He looked at Jihoon standing there and called out.

 _“Care to help?”_ Soonyoung asked, he nodded so he motioned for Jihoon to move closer.

 _“This is top secret, if you show anyone this cinnamon roll recipe I’ll find you.”_ He said in a fake serious voice and a mischievous smile. Jihoon laughed and moved closer to Soonyoung, at that moment he noticed how _short_ Jihoon is. He couldn’t help but pat him on the head, Jihoon immediately slapped his hand away, grabbed a fistful of flour, and threw it in Soonyoung’s face. He stumbled backwards while laughing, wiping the flour away.

 _“Alright alright, no more patting, got it.”_ He said getting most of it off his face. Jihoon seemed quite pleased with himself, a smile spread across his face, and turned his attention to the ingredients Soonyoung had laid out on the table.

 _“Anyway!”_ he continued, _“Are you going to lend a hand, or are we reversing the roles?”_ Jihoon nodded, which didn’t really give Soonyoung a clear answer. He noticed, so he said that he wanted to help. Soonyoung beamed as moved over to a rack on the wall where he unhung an apron for Jihoon, and walked back to where he stood reading the labels on everything. He handed the apron over and proceeded to start explaining what everything was. Not that Jihoon didn’t know, of course he knew what these things were, but he felt confused as to why there would be salt in a dessert. Or corn starch. However, Soonyoung explained that salt makes things taste sweeter without the need to add more sugar than was necessary, so adding a teaspoon of it did the trick. It’s not like he was just going to dump the whole salt container in there. He then got his measuring cups and began rationing out the ingredients.

 _“Wait,”_ said Jihoon, _“aren’t the people going to be here in an hour? How long does this take to be ready?”_ He was more concerned than Soonyoung was, but he glanced at the clock before speaking.

 _“This will be ready in two to three hours, if they’ll be here in a little less than an hour now, then the cinnamon rolls will be ready after they’ve eaten. They’ll probably want coffee, given where they’ll be. So this’ll be perfect for then.”_ He looked at Jihoon expecting some protest, however there was  none. It dawned on Soonyoung that he hadn’t set up the tables to accommodate the amount of people who were coming. He didn’t say anything else and continued to work in front of him as Jihoon watched.

Eventually he did give Jihoon instruction on what to do. He just rationed everything out for him and proceeded to guide him in the preparation process. As the bread was rising, they moved back to the front of the shop to rearrange the tables. Once that was done, Soonyoung retreated to the kitchen to clean up a bit, Jihoon followed closely behind. There they began butting away everything they weren’t going to need anymore, leaving only the flour on the counter. Soonyoung checked on the bread, he then showed it to Jihoon, who seemed amazed at how it had doubled in size seemingly by magic. He stuck his finger in it, giving it a little dimple. Soonyoung set the bowl aside, and began sprinkling flour on the countertop and covering his rolling pin with it, then handing it over to Jihoon who took it in his small hands and examined it while Soonyoung plopped the ball of dough on the flour-covered counter, causing a small cloud to jump out at them. He once again instructed Jihoon what to do as he watched intently, until he heard the doors open and the sound of people speaking amongst themselves. He went to tend to the new guests that filled his little shop, picking up Jihoon’s notebook and other belongings in the process.

Once the people were settled, Soonyoung asked them if they needed anything. They assured him they didn’t and he made his way to the back once again. He set Jihoon’s things down on a little table away from where they were working, he walked back to where he stood supervising before, and carried on as if he’d never left. Jihoon thought to himself how weirdly attractive Soonyoung was when he was being professional, he became a little flustered by his own thoughts as he tried to focus on what Soonyoung was saying.

Soon enough, he was called back to the front, where his patrons wanted some drinks. He pointed at the menu above the front counter and told them to take their time choosing what they wanted. Some already knew, others didn’t. So while those who weren’t sure made up their minds he began working making what was asked of him. Meanwhile, Jihoon was waiting for him to return, the rolls were ready to go in the oven by this point so he just needed to put them in the oven and then do some more waiting. So, he just stood there, waiting. Surrounded by an environment that was so foreign to him, yet something that Soonyoung was so used to seeing, like his second home. It was very clear that Jihoon was out of his element here, still he wasn’t too intimidated, it was almost like he wanted to impress Soonyoung.

Being too caught up in his own thoughts to notice, Jihoon didn’t even see Soonyoung slip quietly into the kitchen before he felt a light touch on his nose. He looked bewildered, but the taller boy just smiled at him holding in his laughter, but he didn’t see what was so funny. He then saw himself in the reflection of the metal bowl beside him. Soonyoung had gotten flour on him. _‘You’re dead.’_ Jihoon thought to himself, as he put his hand in the flour and reached for Soonyoung’s face.

 He tried covering his face, he was a little slow, however, as Jihoon’s small hand had already stained him. So in return, he threw some of the flour on the counter at Jihoon. They both had wicked smiles as they watched for their next move. Suddenly, however, a voice called out to Soonyoung. They both turned their attention towards the little hallway and Soonyoung composed himself, telling Jihoon to carefully place the baking tray, that was still out on the counter, in the oven. Placing a handful of flour on Jihoon’s laps before he excused himself.

 _“Don’t get your hands caught!”_ He called cheerfully before he walked out to the front. Jihoon looked at the oven terrified, _what if his hands really got caught._

That irrational thought filled his mind. Regardless, he gathered up his quickly fleeting courage and attempted to put the tray in the oven. As he opened it, the hot air from inside hit him; he cautiously placed the tray inside being careful not to burn himself.

_Unlucky._

As he slid the tray farther inside, he felt the sharp singeing sensation of the oven’s hot wire. Quickly his hand recoiled and he let go of the oven door, holding his wounded finger. The door loudly slammed shut, grabbing Soonyoung’s attention. One of the guests he was talking with asked him about it, he responded it was probably just his “apprentice” messing around. He dismissed it, but internally, he was worried. He hurried and tended to what he had to do, and excused himself once more.

There he found Jihoon holding a slice of tomato to his finger, looking gloomy. Soonyoung couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight. He resembled a child with the way he was holding on to his little digit.

 _“Didn’t I tell you the oven bites?”_ He joked, while Jihoon shot him a deathly glare. Soonyoung walked back out of the kitchen to go get two chairs. Once he retrieved them, they sat in silence. Jihoon was the first to speak.

 _“How much longer are they going to be here?”_ He asked quietly, still recovering from the ever so fatal burn on his finger. Soonyoung thought for a moment, he really wasn’t sure since it looked as if they’d just settled down.

 _“I don’t know, two hours? Three hours? Maybe more.”_ He looked at the clock which read _1:24PM_. Still he looked uncertain, Jihoon simply sighed and looked around. He got up to get his notebook and a pen, Soonyoung stood, too, to clean the counter so Jihoon’s things wouldn’t get dirty. Once they sat again, Jihoon simply began writing and remained writing while Soonyoung occasionally disappeared to the front; only to come back rather upset after the fourth or fifth time.

Soonyoung was a very patient person, very happy and light. Hardly anything wore him down, especially if people were rude; he usually dismissed it as nothing more than someone having a bad day. For some reason, he almost seemed angry upon returning.

 _“Did something happen?”_ Jihoon asked, not really expecting an answer since he probably wouldn’t want to talk about it.

 _“Half the people left without paying their share, and the guy who set up this thing didn’t want to pay for what they had and for keeping me here longer than I was supposed to be.”_ Soonyoung said, clearly irritated. He assured a rather concerned Jihoon that it was fine, and that it didn’t matter. At least now they could leave. It was already dark out by the time Soonyoung closed, so he suggested they grab some dinner and call it a day. Jihoon agreed and they walked together in the dark.

Given the day, not many places were open; they did find a place to eat after all, it was a little restaurant that Jihoon used to eat at often, but he traded his evenings there for evenings with Soonyoung. So, he ordered for them once they were seated. They sat in silence for a while, there was nothing to be said; but even then in the stillness, it wasn’t awkward. It was a comfortable type of quiet, the sound of breathing, the warmth, the atmosphere, _the vibe._ Even if they were very different, when their auras meshed they created a unique feeling of ease, nothing needed to be said in all honesty. They simply sat and gazed at each other, as if trying to communicate without a single spoken word. As if they were afraid they’d somehow break the beautiful atmosphere they’d created, with words.

 _“Do you have plans after this?”_ Soonyoung asked, unsure of if Jihoon had other things to tend to, but he shook his head.

 _“I was kind of hoping that we could back to my place or yours, just-“_ He stopped himself, thinking he’d just said something that wasn’t meant to leave his head. He looked at Soonyoung, but he just looked blankly at him.

 _“Just…?”_ He asked, looking at Jihoon expectantly.

 _“I just want to see your face when you open your gift.”_ He said, even though that wasn’t what echoed in his mind. Again, Soonyoung seemed to buy into it as his face flushed red and a shy smile played on his lips. He truly was the most beautiful person Jihoon had ever seen.

Hopefully, Soonyoung thought so too.

 _“So after this, we’ll go to your place or mine?”_ He asked Jihoon, he promptly answered that his place closer than Soonyoung’s. It was a ten minute walk, compared to a one hour walk to Soonyoung’s.

With things settled, they ate. Laughing and talking the whole time. Soonyoung couldn’t get enough of Jihoon’s laugh. It was the sweetest sound to him. They sat there for a few minutes, Soonyoung looked fondly at a smiling Jihoon; he almost wanted to reach out and touch him. He abstained, however unsure of if he would cross some boundary. He was contempt with just looking at him, though.

 _“Do you drink, Jihoon?”_ It was a poorly worded question, but Jihoon answered all the same.

_“Occasionally, I enjoy a drink from time to time.”_

_“Great! How about we have a drink? You know, for the holidays or whatever.”_

Jihoon complied, and Soonyoung ordered them a drink each. To be honest, he just wanted to prepare himself for the possible awkwardness that loomed in Jihoon’s place. It helped liven him up a little. After a little more than a few drinks had come and gone, and the check was paid, they headed out into the night.

The walk was nice, even if the cold was merciless. They talked about their surroundings, how everything was so festive, the air felt cheerier than usual. Until they were walking up to the complex Jihoon lived in.

He lived in a nice area, in a nice complex, which seemed to be quiet. As he opened the door, Soonyoung noticed his hands shaking. He’d never let it show, but Jihoon almost regretted inviting him over. He really had no choice, so he unlocked the door and let Soonyoung step through. _Friends_ Jihoon reminded himself, trying to convince himself that he had nothing to be nervous about.

 _“Make yourself at home.”_ He said as he closed the door behind them.

Soonyoung took in his surroundings, it was a nice, modern apartment. Very minimal furnished and decorated, it matched the person living there. As he looked around he noticed two bookshelves in disarray. _Oops_ Jihoon thought, as he looked around to make sure everything else was in order. Soonyoung decided to take a seat on the small couch in Jihoon’s little living room. He looked at the little wrapped package in his hands, being almost certain it was a book.

 _“Want anything to drink?”_ Jihoon asked from the kitchen.

_“Do you have tea?”_

While Jihoon made them tea, Soonyoung sat and took it all in. It felt oddly domestic. As if this was a very familiar thing, as if he’d been there before. Which was impossible, he thought. Maybe it was just the drinks? Or maybe his nerves. It all just _made sense._

Jihoon emerged from the kitchen with two mugs, setting them down on the table in front of them before sitting next to Soonyoung.

 _“You can open your gift now.”_ Jihoon told him, _“It might not be much, but I hope you like it anyway, I-“_

Soonyoung had only torn the top half of the paper when he realized what he held in his hands.

_Jihoon’s notebook._

He looked at Jihoon in awe.

_“W-why this?”_

_“You don’t like it?”_

_“No, i- it’s not that. I just… do you really want me to have this?”_

_“Why don’t you open it?”_

With trembling hands he opened it.

_‘His smile can light up a whole city alone, his eyes can outshine any star.’_

_‘ Kwon Soonyoung’_

Soonyoung hid his face in his hands. _He felt it too._ Jihoon felt what he felt. Where did they go from here? They obviously weren’t just friends, but was it too soon? Was it a good idea even? He faced Jihoon, not really knowing what he was doing.

_Innocent._

It’s the only word to describe his actions, innocent. He planted a kiss on Jihoon’s cheek before leaning into him, hand intertwined with his, almost embarrassed to be the subject of his writing.

_“Merry Christmas, Soonyoung.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this a year ago,, and i left it alone for a bit until one of my friends convinced me it was a good idea to continue it. Here is that ig.


	2. Do It for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling out of love isn't nearly as easy as Jihoon would like it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of nsfw content on this one. please don't read if that makes u uncomfy, you can skip it if you choose, as it doesnt affect the story. I hope you enjoy.

Seasons pass, but things always remained the same. Even after that one fateful night in December Jihoon and Soonyoung stayed the same. It was lovely if you asked either of them, and it drew more people in.

_“Have you heard? I heard they’re dating!”_

_“How do you know, plus whats so interesting about that?”_

_“Well, Jihoon said he wrote the book based on his ‘ **muse** ’ and, well, look at them! What if the guy at the front  **is** his muse!?”_

_“Come on! You can’t just pin every cute guy he’s within 10 feet of as his ‘muse’ what if he isn’t even into guys in the first place?”_

These were some of the things that could be heard around Soonyoung’s, once mostly peaceful, shop. Ever since  _famed writer_ Lee Jihoon failed to conceal where it was that he wrote his breakthrough novel, and maybe revealing his muse in the same blow, the shop had been very busy. But still, even with all the extra attention-people coming in to catch a glimpse of him, or take pictures, or to tell him that they just  _really_ loves his book- he still went to the shop everyday without fail. He was there, and so was Soonyoung who didn’t really mind since business was booming.

This wasn’t without consequence, however, as now Jihoon was a hot item. Someone who was deemed highly desired, much to Soonyoung’s dismay. Although, Jihoon knew where his priorities lie, and never failed to reassure Soonyoung that no one would steal him away from him; he still worried. He worried about not being interesting enough, about not being as good as the people he’d be surrounded by now. Who was little ‘ol Soonyoung in this sea of renounced writers? He was a nobody, even if Jihoon told him otherwise. The thought still creeped up on him after long nights of binging movies, or of long talks that ultimately led to Soonyoung winning a pointless debate about who would win in a fight between Doomsday and Thanos- but only because Jihoon let him and that cute eye smile of his win- ultimately, Soonyoung laid awake while Jihoon slept peacefully beside him.

_“Why don’t you want to go? I want to be seen with you…”_ Jihoon’s voice trailed off, not really understanding why Soonyoung would refuse to go to an event with him. He was always up for a date, especially if it meant dressing up.

_“Won’t I be out of place? You’re with all these fancy people and then there’s me, I feel like I’ll embarrass you.”_ he sounded distant, as if he didn’t really want to even hear what Jihoon had to say.

_“So that’s what this is about?”_ he half chuckled,  _“Soonie, I’m not ashamed of you. If anything, I think this will solidify that you and I are dating. Maybe that’ll put an end to all the rumors. Wouldnt it be nice? To just, be happy? Unbothered by what anyone else has to say?”_ Soonyoung remained silent, choosing his words correctly.  _“I want to show everyone that I’m yours, and that you’re mine. Nothing would make me happier.”_ Jihoon continued, reaching for Soonyoung’s hand to reassure him. Soonyoung drew away, unintentionally. He didn’t know what to say or do. He couldn’t shake the thought of possibly ridiculing Jihoon, especially when it was in front of important people; people who’d influence his career.

_“I- Jihoon- I’m sorry. I just, what if-“_

_“No ‘what if’s’ there is nothing you could do that would embarrass me. I love you, Soonyoung. I’m not going to live hiding you, that simply isn’t a way to live, not when I want everyone to know that I belong to you.”_

_“Maybe, we should take a break… you know? Figure things out, I need to think. I’m so, so sorry.”_ Soonyoung managed to get out, unsure of how Jihoon would react.

Even then, his reaction wasn’t the one he was expecting. Silently, he got up and began putting the various things he had at Soonyoung’s place in a bag before leaving just as quietly. He didn’t speak a single word, he looked straight through him as he made his way around the apartment.

Jihoon stopped going to Soonyoung’s shop. In fact, he’d stopped going anywhere. If you asked his neighbors, they’d tell you that apartment wasn’t occupied. He’d become a recluse, one who laid around all day finding whatever little inspiration was left within him in the wrong places, after all, he’d left whatever spark he had in Soonyoung’s apartment.

By the second month, he realized he wasn’t making any progress. His writing was going nowhere, maybe it was time to find a new muse. He knew just the person who’d reignite the fire that Soonyoung had put out.

_Kim Mingyu_

He looked at the name on his screen, deciding whether this was a good idea. But, who was this Mingyu? Well, he happened to be Jihoon’s ex- boyfriend. Mingyu had said that if he ever needed him, he was a text away; and he really needed him now.

**[** _Jihoon,22:34; hey, how are you?_ **]**

After a few minutes with no response, he felt a little pathetic. Maybe it  _wasn’t_ such a good idea to text his ex in the middle of the night.

In the midst of his worry, his phone lit up. It was him.

**[** _Mingyu,22:39; hey! long time no see! im alright, how about you?_ **]**

Fuck. He didn’t expect to get this far, truthfully.

One thing Jihoon absolutely hated, was small talk. Especially now, talking to someone he’d shared so many firsts with. Someone who’d seen him like no one else had, all that reduced to  _‘Oh I’m fine, just checking in!’_. but how could he just say  _‘Hey I need someone to fuck, and you’re the only person I could remotely trust because I’m a public figure now so what do you say?_ ’without sounding like a complete asshole?

**[** _Jihoon,22:47; hey, id like to see you. yknow,, if you want_ **]**

**[** _Mingyu,22:48; uh,, yea? when do you wanna meet?_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,22:48; asap._ **]**

What the fuck was he doing. Was he really going to meet up with Mingyu like that? What if he had a boyfriend? Surely he wouldn’t have agreed if that was the case…

Mingyu met Jihoon years ago. They’d dated very briefly, but their romance was like fire; bright, hot, destructive, and easily put out. But, Mingyu knew better. He’d grown and he’d learned, he met someone very similar to Jihoon; minus the unpredictability. That someone was Jeon Wonwoo.

Wonwoo is quiet, loves reading, writing, and his boyfriend. One could say that they were in a serious relationship, they lived together and owned two cats. So, they were in it for the long run. Mingyu wouldn’t trade his happy little life for the world, and he sure as  _hell_ wouldn’t risk it for his ex.

Soonyoung wished he could say the same.

Ever since he and Jihoon broke up, things seemed bleak. He stopped going to the shop to see him, the days got longer and longer without Jihoon. He wondered where he could’ve possibly gone to hide away to, he could go anywhere in the world really; so where would Lee Jihoon hide? Sometimes when he walked by his place he swore he could see the lights inside turned on.

It was torture, if he was being honest. He kept going to all the places he’d go with Jihoon, by himself, and it always wound up the same way. Soonyoung, at home, crying into the only thing Jihoon left behind in his calm anger; a dark green hoodie, one which Soonyoung loved because he looked just  _that_ cute in it. This was a weekly routine, which he was afraid would turn into a daily one.

Time and time again, he’d roam around all the places Jihoon had shown him thinking that if he’d only listened, he would be walking with Jihoon. He wouldn’t be falling asleep every night in an empty bed. He wouldn’t have to wish that Jihoon would come back. If only he listened, he wouldn’t have to get drunk to gather courage to write a long, winded text to him; only to delete it and never send it.

If Soonyoung had listened, he wouldn’t be scared of rejection.

If he wasn’t careful, he’d go looking where he shouldn’t.

Everything changed in Soonyoung’s world, his shop was doing so well that he didn’t have to be there most of the time, but he went anyway because he loved it so much. It was always a plus that the love of his life would always sit there and keep him company, but after a while of realizing Jihoon really wasn’t coming back, He began staying away from the shop. Going every other day, then every three, then twice a week. Eventually, he only went once a month.

What was the point of going if it was only a reminder of what  _had been_? Moping around wasn’t considered a hobby, but Soonyoung sure as hell had made it one. He tried to keep his head held high, to move forward, but how could he do that if he’s the one who created the situation in the first place? Jihoon didn’t leave because he didn’t love Soonyoung. He left because he felt unwanted, he felt the cold. Soonyoung knew this. Something in him just  _couldn’t_ call Jihoon, he just couldn’t bring himself to apologize. Even if he desperately wanted to just run back to him and feel his warmth, see him smile, hear all the pretty words Jihoon always told him. ‘ _You look lovely in stripes.’_ he’d say absentmindedly, and Soonyoung would start wearing stripes more. Simply because Jihoon  _liked_ it.

Now everything sounded like him. Everything smelled like him. Everything looked like him. Maybe, he  _could_ reach out to Jihoon after all this time. Maybe this time he could actually call him, and work things out. Maybe he could even convince Jihoon to meet with him. He just had to see him, even if it was the last time.

Things weren’t nearly as boring for Jihoon, on the other hand. Mingyu had agreed to meet him for coffee, and there was no mention of a  _special someone_ in his life. He was still the same Mingyu, the same first love. He’d gotten a lot more handsome since they’d last seen each other. Had he always been that tall?

He really tried to focus on what Mingyu was saying, but every time he spoke it was enchanting, he found himself lost in the details of his face, which was a little  _too_ obvious.

That day hadn’t ended quite like Jihoon was expecting, but he couldn’t say it was a bad night. They went back to Jihoon’s place; where one moment they were talking calmly across from each other, and the next they were both on the floor with Mingyu between Jihoon’s legs.

The same couldn’t be said about Mingyu. He knew he shouldn’t have agreed to see Jihoon. He knew he definitely shouldn’t have agreed to go back to his place, and he most certainly knew he shouldn’t have lied to Wonwoo. Even with Jihoon’s  _‘This was… interesting, maybe we should do this again sometime…’_  he didn’t know whether there was going to be a next time. He didn’t even know if he could hide it from Wonwoo altogether. He had to get his shit together fast, he was going to get home a lot later than anticipated he either had to try to play it cool, or come clean.

He knew that both were going to be disastrous.

Much to his luck, Wonwoo was asleep when he walked through the door. He’d dozed off on the sofa waiting for Mingyu to come home, the sight of Wonwoo soundly sleeping along with the cats made Mingyu’s heart heavy with guilt. Still, he carried Wonwoo to bed and climbed in shortly after; but he couldn’t shake the thought of Jihoon from his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d just betrayed the love of his life.

He was determined to not tell anyone. No one had to know, and he knew he had to tell Jihoon before things got messy.

**[** _Mingyu,00:39; hey jihoon, i cant see you again this was a mistake. i have a boyfriend and this just cant happen again. im sorry,_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,00:41; well….. he doesnt have to know does he?_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,00:42; or are you goin to leave me wanting more?_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,00:42; i cant stop thinking about you_ **]**

Soonyoung realized that he needed to do something with himself, and fast. He needed to see new places and faces. So he took a trip to the nearest big city, just to wander around. He’d been there once or twice but it was just in passing. Now he had all the time in the world to explore, he’d made a plan of everything he wanted to see making sure that he’d be able to manage his time wisely.

In between all the sights, Soonyoung found a sort of  _guide_ to show him around. This guide was Hansol. he had lively hazel eyes, a charming smile, and an even more charming personality. He was easygoing and fun to be around, which was great for Soonyoung. Maybe he was even a little cute.

At first he was a little weary of Hansol, until he realized he genuinely just wanted to lend a hand and maybe make a friend in the process. He knew his way around, as well as all the best places for  _everything_. Soonyoung warmed up to him quickly, which admittedly wasn’t a good idea since he would head home in a matter of two days.

_“Oh, well, when are you coming back? Do you live far?”_ he asked Soonyoung, a hint if worry in his tone.

_“It’s not too far, but it is a day’s ride by train. So, a little far.”_ he answered, trying to make himself look more accessible than he really was. He knew that heading back to town meant dealing with the shop and the memory of Jihoon. As much as he didn’t want to leave the city- and Hansol- behind, he knew he had to. It was his responsibility whether he liked it or not.

_“In that case, let me treat you to some dinner tonight. How about it?”_ Hansol smiled at Soonyoung, hoping he’d accept the offer.

_“You know what, yeah, that’d be really nice.”_

Soonyoung had a little hope in his heart that maybe Hansol was interested in him, he was about to put that to the test that night; regardless of how things went, he knew it’d be a good night.

They laughed a lot, they talked a lot, and they drank a little too much; but it was the type of buzz that made you feel warm and fuzzy. Hansol paid for their meal and they were on their way. When they were about to split paths Soonyoung stopped in his tracks. Hansol turned to face a semi- upset Soonyoung.

_“Don’t go.”_ he said, holding his hand out for Hansol.  _“Won’t you come with me, please.”_ how could he refuse. He took Soonyoungs hand and instead of following to his hotel, Hansol led him to his place.

Once they got through the door between giggles and playful hands, Hansol backed Soonyoung against a wall; they looked at each other. Each taking in the other’s features, until the first move was made. Hansol kissed Soonyoung, his hand cupping his cheek bringing him closer. Soonyoung trying desperately to close the distance between them however he could, Hansol took hold of Soonyoung’s waist and pressed his body closer.

Hansol withdrew for a second, examining Soonyoung for a reaction. A very small, breathless ‘ _Please’_ escaping his lips. Which was all that Hansol needed to hear.

The morning after, Soonyoung woke up confused before realizing why he was half naked in someone else’s bed. He had a brief second of panic before noticing the boy sleeping soundly beside him wasn’t Jihoon. The night’s memories flooded his mind. His skin tingled in all the placed Hansol had left his mark. He could still feel his lips on his skin, the way his hands gripped his thighs and hips… it was a little overwhelming in all the right ways.

It all came back to him, the sweet nothings, the quiet praise, the euphoric feeling he’d been craving for so long. All the new feelings, it all swam around Soonyoung’s head.

Hansol gave a big yawn, stretching, in the process revealing his own bareness. He turned to face Soonyoung, emitting a croaky  _‘Good morning’_ which sent a chill right through Soonyoung’s body.

_“So… last night was, something.”_

_“Yeah… it sure was…”_ Soonyoung repeated, almost incredulously.

_“I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon, we could have more nights like that one.”_ Hansol said, taking in the boy laying next to him. He reached up to caress Soonyoung’s cheek, a sweet gesture that carried a heavily  _needy_ undertone. Hansol gently passed his thumb over Soonyoung’s lips, as if reminiscing. As if somehow he wasn’t going to feel them again. He then parted his lips, an invitation for Hansol, even meeting his thumb with his tongue. They met eyes as hansol slipped one finger into Soonyoung’s mouth, feeling the wet warmth of his tongue. Then another, seeing the neediness in him grow and become more apparent. He could feel the drool run down his chin as well as onto Hansol’s hand. He didn’t mind, though, Hansol withdrew his fingers and licked Soonyoung’s drool off of his hand.

Hansol couldn’t help himself, he sat up and pulled Soonyoung into a messy kiss. He didn’t mind at all, the sloppiness of it making it  _that_ much more memorable. He moved up until his hips met Soonyoung’s. He broke the kiss, both of them out of breath, only connected by a thin string of saliva between their mouths. Hansol pressed his Forhead against Soonyoung’s, out of breath. Soonyoung could feel him half hard, and decided to give him some  _‘encouragement’_ by letting his hands roam what was exposed of the other. Hansol let out a low groan as Soonyoung bucked his hips up into him, looking for whatever friction he could get between them.

_“Eager are we?”_ Hansol half chuckled as he lowered his lips to Soonyoung’s neck. Where licked softly at the skin before taking a bite of the flesh, earning a soft, pitched moan from him. He could feel Hansol’s smile against his skin as he kissed at the place he’d bitten. He did this all the way down Soonyoung’s neck, down his collarbones to his chest. It was there that he had some fun, Hansol left trails of little love bites all over his chest. He kept kissing down Soonyoung’s stomach stopping right above the band of his boxers.

Soonyoung whined at Hansol’s grueling pace, the lack of touch driving him insane.

_“Please… Hansol… I need more…”_ he whined, his pitched voice was like music to Hansol’s ears.

_“Maybe, this will inspire to come back more often, huh? Maybe, when you’re back home alone and you think of me you’ll remember how good i fucked you, how i had you drooling from merely my fingers. Maybe when i call you, you can touch yourself to the sound of my voice, so i can hear you come undone with my words.”_ he said, sitting back from between Soonyoung’s legs. Watching how he writhed from the mere  _thought_. It was such a pretty sight to Hansol. Soonyoung, exposed the way he was, his face flushed a pretty shade of pink, his eyes conveying a neediness for  _him_ , little whimpers escaping his lips.

Soonyoung went home the day after. Not without a few “souvenirs” from Hansol. It’s all he could think of on the train ride back. In the midst of his dirty thoughts he thought of Jihoon. He remembered how good Jihoon felt… how good talked… how good his hands felt on his body… how obedient he was for Jihoon… he tried to shake the thought from his mind, but he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks.  _‘Not now, please, not now.’_ is all he could think. He couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t do something like  _that_  in a place  _like_  this could he? He felt so  _filthy_ but he needed it, desperately. He imagined what Jihoon would say if he were sitting across from him. The way his gaze would set Soonyoung’s skin on fire, knowing how dirty he was being for him.

He let a hand rest right on top of his clothed cock, this didn’t give him enough, however, so he looks around at the people in the train. Most were facing away from him, the other’s either asleep or reading or on their phone’s. He supposed, no one would notice… h\He doesn’t have to make any noise… He couldn’t believe he was doing this with so many people around, but that only made it hotter, exciting him more. He got a little bold and gripped his now fully hard length, palming himself through his sweats. He let his eyes fall shut, his head falling back. As far as anyone else was concerned he was simply asleep.

He began slowly, being wary of not getting noticed. The faster he got the more he slumped in his seat, his face contorting into one of bliss. Hansol’s words ran through his mind, he could pretend it wasn’t his own hand but, rather, Hansol’s. He could hear his voice, telling him how dirty he was, letting a boy that wasn’t even his boyfriend use him like this in public, he pretended Jihoon was watching them. His lustful gaze watching as Soonyoung came undone at someone else’s touch.

He was so close, when he heard his stop being announced.  _‘Fuck.’_  he tried to compose himself before anyone could see him, but someone saw. A boy with dark hair nearly covering his eyes, round glasses, and a cold stare. He was thin and tall. They sat there looking at each other. Soonyoung moved to get up and bolt home, never losing the strangers gaze. He felt how his face burned with both shame and excitement, the hot air doing him no favors to alleviate the tension. He needed to get home fast, hoping and praying that the boy on the train wouldn’t tell anyone, or that he’d miraculously forget.

_“I saw something interesting on the train today.”_ Wonwoo said setting the things he’d bought down at the table, Mingyu stopped typing at his computer.The silence being Wonwoo’s cue to continue.

_“You know that cute coffee shop? The one downtown, well, anyway… I saw the owner of that place.”_

_“Well, the dude’s human. So what if he commutes by train?”_ Mingyu pointed out. Wonwoo rolled his eyes at him, which made something click in Mingyu’s mind.

_“I didn’t just see him commuting, you big dummy, why would I tell you if it was something that normal?”_ Wonwoo had a point.  _“Anyway, he looked kind of cute with his face flushed pink and his hand around his dick. Just saying.”_ that last statement causing Mingyu to choke on air.

_“He did **what?!** ”_

_“You heard me. Maybe you should take me on a coffee date soon.”_

Panic rang throughout Mingyu’s mind at the mention of a certain shop owner. The shop owner, who just so happened to be his dear, little Jihoon’s ex- boyfriend. But he couldn’t say no to Wonwoo, he wanted to indulge him. As much as he wanted to please, he also had to cover his ass.

Jihoon kept meeting with Mingyu, some nights were more drawn out than others, each more satisfying than the last. It got so shameless, but Jihoon was so needy; sometimes he’d send Mingyu some rather  _revealing_  photos to provoke him. He loved the little game he played, but he knew that if his boyfriend found out he’d be outed as a home wrecker. That’s the risk he was running, which only made things even more exciting.

**[** _Mingyu,20:38; jihoon i think it really is time to break it off_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,22:39; what?!!? why??!_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,22:39; did wonu find out??!?_ **]**

**[** _Mingyu,22:40; no but he might_ **]**

**[** _Mingyu,22:41; he has eyes for ur ex_ **]**

This couldn’t be fucking happening. Mingyu explained how Wonwoo saw Soonyoung on the train. He mentioned how he wanted to go that shop, Wonwoo wanted to play with Soonyoung; and Mingyu couldn’t say no without giving himself and Jihoon away. He was fucked. He either lost his muse, or his reputation; one he’d built on being a hopeless romantic. Of all the people in the world, why him. Maybe, if he reached out to Soonyoung he could fix things and he wouldn’t need Mingyu anymore. He wouldn’t make this mess even bigger, but he had to do it before Wonwoo met Soonyoung.

Soonyoung walked into his shop, he mainly went just to make sure everything was going smoothly. Maybe helped for a few hours and then left. While he was checking in with the shift manager, they mentioned something very odd. Someone had been coming in every day asking to see him, but he never mentioned who he was. Soonyoung was confused because no one really asked about him other than his family, and he checked in with them regularly.

A wave of fear washed over him,  _‘What if it’s the guy from the train?’_ Surely he didn’t know he owned this place… His thoughts were interrupted, however, by the bell of the door indicating the first customer of the day. He turned to greet them with a smile until he looked upon who was standing at the counter. It was none other than Lee Jihoon himself.

_“I need to talk to you.”_ he said coldly, but Soonyoung tried to avoid him by excusing himself to the back and allowing someone else to manage the counter. Against his better judgment, Jihoon followed Soonyoung to the back. He was trapped.

_“Soonie, we **really** need to talk. You can’t avoid me forever.”_

_“I don’t want to talk, Jihoon, we had our chance to talk, we didn’t. I was afraid and you walked away, that’s that. Nothing more can be said other than we’re through.”_

_“More can be said if you just listened to me. We wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if you had just trusted me!”_ Jihoon raised his voice a little at the end, earning a distressed look from Soonyoung.  _“God damn it Soonyoung, I love you. I’ve been so lost without you, I’ve done a few things I regret; but I never stopped thinking about you.”_ it sounded sincere, but Soonyoung was hesitant. He thought of Hansol, and how much he wanted to just go back to him.

_“Jihoon… please, don’t make this harder than it has to be. You don’t know what’s going on in my life and I don’t know what’s going on in yours.”_

_“Well then let’s catch up! I can tell you what’s been going on, and you can tell me what’s going on.”_

_“I met someone, Jihoon, someone who isn’t you.”_

Jihoon walked out as he heard those words, this time furious.  _Someone who isn’t you._ What the fuck does that mean? Someone who isn’t caring? Someone who isn’t supportive? Who the fuck did Soonyoung think he was? He was the one who fucking started this mess in the first place! Jihoon fumed, and made the single best decision in the midst of all this chaos.

**[** _Jihoon,13:50; what if u introduce me to wonu_ **]**

**[** _Mingyu,13:52; are you fucking insane???_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,13:53; we can avoid soonyoung AND keep doing what we do_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,13:53; wonu doesnt have to know about before,,,, you jUst so happened to run into your ol pal jihoon,,,, who jus so happens to be into voyeurism,,,,,, it would Avoid any trouble with soonyoung in the process,,_ **]**

**[** _Jihoon,13:54; jus,,, think about it,,_ **]**

Like that, Mingyu convinced Wonwoo to go to dinner with his good friend Jihoon, who happened to be in town and wanted to catch up. They met at a nice private place. Jihoon tried to look his best, he had to get Wonwoo’s attention tonight. He spotted them already inside waiting for him in a booth near the back,  _here goes nothing._

They exchanged pleasantries, and ordered some drinks. Mingyu began by introducing the ever so charming Jihoon. Wonwoo knew  _exactly_ who he was, he loved the book Jihoon wrote. But he didn’t want to get too into it.

_“I can’t believe you never told me you knew him! Even after I showed you the book! You suck.”_  Wonwoo said, playfully slapping Mingyu’s arm. Jihoon laughed, he secretly envied how cute they were together; the way Wonwoo clung to Mingyu’s arm when he laughed, the way they looked so  _in love_. He felt a twinge of regret for making Mingyu lie, for nearly ruining their relationship. He shook it off by seeing the bright side, maybe if he got Wonwoo’s attention Mingyu wouldn’t have to lie.

Mingyu excused himself to take a phone call, leaving Wonwoo and Jihoon at the table alone. They were silent but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Jihoon tried to discreetly take in Wonwoo’s appearance, but the other’s eyes were already piercing him. They locked eyes, removing any doubt of Wonwoo’s intent in Jihoon’s mind.

Wonwoo looked around for Mingyu, when he saw that he was still busy, he moved to Jihoon’s side of the table. An innocent hand moving closer. Their eyes met again as Wonwoo took Jihoon’s hand and guided it to his body. Stopping on the inside of his thigh, Jihoon glanced at his hand on Wonwoo, then back at his eyes. Jihoon have a little squeeze before moving his hand upward, stopping right above the hem of Wonwoo’s pants.

_“Look at you, so eager to touch someone else’s boyfriend. Are you that much of a slut?”_ Wonwoo teased, to which Jihoon became wide eyed.

_“Well go on, I know you want to. I see the way you look at Mingyu, too, the way you undress him with your eyes. You’re not his toy, you’re mine.”_ Wonwoo said firmly, but invitingly. 

Jihoon slid his hand down just barely touching Wonwoo’s half hard length, gripping him, eliciting a muffled moan from him.

_“You know, Wonwoo, I’m not your toy. Just look at you writhing from my touch, if I wanted to I’d make you cum untouched.”_ Jihoon said softly, almost sweetly. He picked up his pace, watching Wonwoo slowly come undone.

_“What would Mingyu say? Look at you, **so eager**  to be touched by someone else. What would he say seeing his boyfriend’s face flushed a pretty shade of pink, cumming into my hand?” _his voice was cunning, every word pushing Wonwoo closer and closer to the edge.  _“Do you think Mingyu would like to watch me fuck you like the pathetic little whore you are? Hmm? I can’t understand you sweetheart. Can you speak a little louder?”_

Just as Wonwoo painted a pretty picture in white over Jihoon’s hand and himself, he spotted an onlooker. It was Mingyu. Jihoon removed his hand, and held it up to Wonwoo’s mouth. He never moved his eyes from Mingyu who watched intently as Wonwoo cleaned up Jihoon’s hand. He then grabbed hold of Wonwoo’s jaw pulling him closer kissing him. Pushing his tongue into his mouth gently. It was a tender kiss to any unknowing onlooker.

As soon as they withdrew Mingyu approached the table with some excuse for why they had to leave. Jihoon didn’t mind, but Wonwoo knew what was waiting for him at home. They said their goodbyes and agreed to  _‘Do this again sometime.’_  

On the other side of things, Soonyoung decided that maybe he needed to see Hansol again. He needed to get Jihoon out of his mind, and Hansol was exactly what he needed.

This time around, instead of staying in a hotel he decided to stay at Hansol’s place. When he arrived he was greeted by a new face. Tall, dark hair, cute smile. He later learned this was Minghao, an old friend who Hansol hung out with frequently. To celebrate Soonyoung’s arrival, Mingaho went down to a convenience store to get some drinks for the three of them. While he was gone, Hansol decided to have a little fun with Soonyoung since he  _really missed him_.

What Minghao found upon his return was a beautiful scene, Hansol sitting on the floor, head thrown back and eyes shut tight, holding a fistful of Soonyoung’s hair as he held him in place, fucking his pretty little mouth.

_“Are you having fun, Solie?”_  Minghao asked softly. His voice was so gentle it almost didn’t even faze Soonyoung, that was short-lived because the shame kicked in instantly; but Hansol didn’t let him go anywhere, he answered Minghao’s question as if he wasn’t just fucking Soonyoung’s throat raw. They talked so nonchalantly, as if nothing at all was going on.

_“You’re right, he **is**  very cute.” _he said, reaching for Soonyoung’s chin, gesturing for Hansol to let go. Soonyoung came up gasping, drool rolling down his chin, cheeks flushed, wide eyed. Minghao thought it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen, and he’d seen Hansol cum untouched. Minghao licked the drool from Soonyoung’s chin up his mouth, when he pulled back he saw the bewildered look on his face. Soonyoung had never felt what he was feeling at that moment. both humiliation and arousal, but also confusion. He looked to Hansol for some sort of answer but he just watched with a curious gaze for what Minghao would do next.

_“He’s not gonna help you, angel, but I will.”_ he said as he made Soonyoung face him.  _“Solie, do you think i can make him cry? Imagine how pretty he’d look. I can already see it. So helpless as I fuck him, until he’s nothing but an incoherent sobbing, drooling, mess.”_ he turned to Hansol,  _“Are his moans as pretty as he is? How pathetic would he sound while I suck him off, hm?”_ Hansol assured Minghao of how lovely Soonyoung’s moans sound, they get more pitched the closer he gets to release. Minghao seemed pleased by his answer, so he let go of Soonyoung.  _“Be a good baby and undress for me, yeah?”_ Minghao ordered gently, and as soon as the words left his mouth he did as he was told. He felt exposed and embarrassed in front of them, so vulnerable, which is exactly what Minghao wanted.

_“Why don’t you play with him for a little bit? Only rule is, Soonie can’t touch.”_ Minghao giggled at Soonyoung’s reaction, while Hansol pinned him to the floor as the other sat back and watched.  _“I want to see him writhe under you, Solie.”_ Minghao said, causing a wicked smile to spread across Hansol’s face.

Every touch was agonizing, Hansol slowly dragged his fingers across Soonyoung’s bare torso. Stoping right at the hip, not going any further. Soonyoung whined at the lack of contact. He  _needed_ more.  _“Getting desperate are we?”_ Hansol chuckled, enjoying the soft whines coming from Soonyoung,  _“Is this what you want?”_ he said as he moved his hand over Soonyoung’s length,  _“You want me to play with you pathetic cock,_   _hm? Is that it, baby?”_ he continued, Soonyoung turned to look at Minghao; who sat watching intently, half of his hand inside his jeans. Hansol grabbed hold of Soonyoung’s jaw and made him face him.  _“What are you looking at? You want Minghao to come make you feel special? He’s not nearly as kind as I am, darling.”_ he said, kissing Soonyoung softly.  _“Plus… I’m not done with you just yet.”_ the last statement making Minghao smile wide. The real fun was about to begin. 

The room was filled with loud, needy, pitched cries and moans; as well as low grunts and gentle humiliation. Hansol managed to please Minghao by turning Soonyoung into an incoherent, but ever so needy mess. With his cheek pressed on the floor and his ass up meeting Hansol’s hips, Minghao tried to memorize the dazed look in his eyes, the way he was covered in sweat and spit; his drool pooling on the floor. The way his body trembled and shook, the wet sounds of skin on skin being music to his ears. Half of Minghao wanted to take Soonyoung into his arms and make him feel loved and warm, the other wanted to destroy him. Maybe he’d do both.

_“Solie, let the baby breathe. You’ve had your fun.”_ Minghao ordered, Hansol obediently removed from Soonyoung; making the boy whined at the feeling of being empty. He let his body fall, exhausted.

Minghao sat next to him, caressing his head while praising him for being  _so good_  and taking Hansol so well, telling him how pretty he looked for him. Soonyoung sighed in content, while Hansol cleaned both of them up. Minghao smiled fondly at both of them, asking Soonyoung nicely if he wanted to take a nap, the tired baby nodded as he tried to pick himself up off the ground.

_“No, no, don’t bother. Hansol can help you, can’t he?”_ he said that last part turning to Hansol who was already helping Soonyoung up.

What was supposed to be a nap turned into him passing out for nearly the rest of the day. When he woke up, he found Hansol sleeping beside him and Minghao was nowhere to be found. He quietly got up and went to find him, making sure he didn’t wake Hansol up, he didn’t think he’d just leave without saying anything. And he was right, Minghao was sitting at the table reading quietly _._  He was so focused that he almost didn’t notice Soonyoung taking a seat across from him, putting his book down he looked up at Soonyoung with an almost loving gaze. His demeanor was calm and inviting, but something about him was still intimidating. it was enthralling.

_“Did you sleep well? I hope you’re not hurting too much.”_ Minghao said, his voice was so gentle and warm Soonyoung couldn’t help but smile.

_“Y- yeah, I did, I’m feeling alright.”_ he replied, shyly.  _“How do you know hansol?”_

_“Hansol and I go way back, met him at a museum. He helped me find my way around this city when I first moved here, the same way he helped you find your way. So, the real question is, what are you running from?”_ the question caught Soonyoung off guard, but he figured there was no harm in telling the truth…

_“Getting away from everything, really…”_

_“But you own a coffee shop, don’t you? And from what I heard, you were doing well. You even had a boyfriend.”_ Soonyoung looked away from Minghao at this. He hadn’t really talked about Jihoon with anyone, was now really the time?

_“Yeah i did. He, uh, we broke up. That’s why I came here the first time. And I met Hansol, I’d be lying if i said I didn’t think he was cute.”_ Soonyoung giggled at his own words,  _“And i wound up here two nights before I left. So when my ex- boyfriend went to find me at my shop to ‘fix’ things, I couldn’t stop thinking about Hansol. So, I told him that I’d met someone else, and came running back. I didn’t know what else to do.”_ he sounded frustrated. Minghao silently listened as Soonyoung went on reminiscing about Jihoon and the life they had before. How happy he was, how happy  _they_  were.

_“I think, the worst part is that I know what he meant when he said ‘I’ve done some things I regret.’ I know exactly what he did, and that kind of showed. That’s why he went to my shop. That’s why he wanted to fix things. He just wanted to cover his ass… I honestly don’t believe he cares about me anymore.”_ He said looking at the ceiling.

_“How can you be so sure? Maybe he legitimately did want to fix things, and you pushed him away out fear, again.”_

Soonyoung looked at Minghao sternly.

_“I know his ex- boyfriend. He’s friends with a few of my friends. Don’t you think that, if they happened to get a glance of Jihoon’s nudes on Mingyu’s phone they would tell me. That he just so happened to get a call from my supposed boyfriend, saying how he’ll ‘Be there in an hour’ and to not ‘stop thinking about him.’ That’s totally not suspect at all.”_ Soonyoung said, it was obvious he hadn’t talked about this with anyone given his increasing anger. Minghao decided it was best to remain silent in case he wanted to keep talking.

_“I just, know. I know. But he doesn’t know that I know, which just makes everything so needlessly complicated… I would agree to talk things out, but I know he would lie to me if it meant keeping everything hidden. He turned into someone I don’t know.”_ He finished with a big sigh while rubbing his face. Minghao could tell that he desperately wanted to move on, but it seemed as if this Jihoon kept haunting him whenever things got better.

_“So stay here.”_ Minghao said, making Soonyoung perplexed.  _“If you don’t want to see him, and he’ll only keep looking for you, you should stay here. With us. Even if it’s for a little while.”_ Minghao analyzed Soonyoung’s response, he seemed to be considering the possibility of it in his head.

_“I could, possibly, get used to this.”_ Soonyoung said, finally, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

It was a mistake to find Soonyoung. Even though things worked out for him, his words still rang through his head,  _‘Someone who isn’t you.’_  he missed Soonyoung, he really did, but he knew he wouldn’t be willing to take him back even if he confessed to everything he’d done. Even if he admitted that he was partially guilty for their falling out for not being more understanding, he knew Soonyoung wouldn’t take him back. This acceptance of his fate didn’t come without consequence, however, for now he  _really_ wanted to know who was that  _‘someone who isn’t you.’_ but he couldn’t just spy on him, and he couldn’t exactly just ask him who it was. He even began to think that Soonyoung was bluffing, that he’d just said it to hurt him. So, he did what any reasonable person would do and went to find him at his place. 

  


The walk there was tough to say the least. It brought back all the memories Jihoon was desperately trying to shove to the back of his mind. So many firsts, so many tipsy walks, so many laughs. All the love they’d made, it was right here. Still, he soldiered on making his way up to Soonyoung’s place. His heart racing, for some reason. Maybe it was fear of rejection? Fear of the truth? What if that ‘someone else’ was there? How would he take that? He didn’t really know, but he put it aside as he rang the doorbell. One minute, two minutes... three minutes... nothing. _What the fuck?_ He thought.  Soonyoung definitely wasn’t asleep, and he wasn’t at the shop. He remembered he still had a copy of the key, it didn’t hurt to try... 

  


_*Click*_ and the door opened. He let himself in, calling for Soonyoung quietly. He received no response, and he heard no noise. So he wandered around, looking for anything that might give him a clue of as to where he might’ve gone off to. He was beginning to give up when he spotted something on the coffee table in the living room. As he got closer he saw a stack of polaroid pictures of someone he didn’t recognize with Soonyoung. He took them and began looking through them, it was all relatively harmless until he came across some rather, explicit shots of Soonyoung and this unknown guy. Jihoon tightened his grip on the pictures, he was fixated on the way Soonyoung looked so out of it, so happy, so blissed out. Not to mention, how  _exposed_ he was. He figured, taking one picture couldn’t hurt... 

  


In the midst of his search, he decided to leave Soonyoung a little message. He left one of the polaroids depicting them together on the kitchen table, with a handwritten note. He swiftly made his exit, and left as if he’d simply been checking in with an old friend; making his way back to his own place, secretly hoping Soonyoung would come back soon. 

  


Two weeks passed, and Soonyoung remained in the city. He was the happiest he’d been in a while, with Hansol and Mingaho there was never a dull moment. Minghao had his own place which he retreated to at night. But it was getting closer and closer to his last day in the city, he never wanted to leave; he wished he could stay there forever, surrounded by all the beautiful views and even more beautiful people. However, he had responsibilities he needed to tend to; he knew he couldn’t avoid it. 

_“I’ll come back soon, I promise. I just, need to go and check up on the shop and take care of some other stuff, and I’ll be back in no time.”_ he told Hansol, who was a little sad to see him go. He, too, wanted Soonyoung to stay a little longer. 

_“What if you don’t come back? What if you get too busy for us?”_ Hansol asked, genuine concern in his voice. 

_“It’s only a week tops... I think...I will come back. I promise.”_

_“What if I go with you?”_ Soonyoung nearly choked on his drink.  _“I mean... I’ve never been to your shop, and you seem to be really proud of it... I want to see it...”_

It wasn’t a bad idea, he could have Hansol stay with him. It’s not like he shared an apartment anymore. 

_“I don’t see why not, maybe Minghao can come with us if he wants!”_

_“I already know the answer is a firm yes.”_

  


Like that, the three of them made the trip back to Soonyoung’s hometown. Hansol had been there once before, but Minghao had never been outside where they lived. Once they got dropped off at Soonyoung’s place, they were all having fun until Soonyoung came across something that scared the shit out of him. 

  


A handwritten note beside a polaroid of him and Hansol kissing. 

_“Is this that ‘someone who isn’t you’? I hope you’re fucking happy.”_

  


Soonyoung knew exactly who left the note, it didn’t make it hurt any less.

  


_“Uh, Soonie... I think there’s a picture missing.”_ Hansol said from the living room, where the once neat stack of pictures was scattered around the floor and coffee table. He walked over and realized which one was missing. 

  


_“Un-fucking-believable.”_ he muttered under his breath. Soonyoung decided he wasn’t just going to sit idly by and pretend nothing happened. 

  


**[** _ S _ _ oonyoung, _ _20:49; Picture Message_ **]**

**[** _ Soonyoung, _ _20:53; you think this is a fuckin game jihoon?? coming to my apartment and taking my shit and leaving stupid angsty notes??? if youre so fucking desperate to know who he is why dont you come see for yourself??? or are you gonna go running to mingyu and wonu?? fuck you. dont fucking call me or try to find me, if i see you ill fucking call the police._ **]**

  


_‘Why don’t you come see for yourself?’_ wasn’t a wise thing to send,  _especially_ since Jihoon was absolutely shitfaced. Maybe he  _did_ want to see his new boyfriend, and maybe he  _will_  go see for himself. 

  


After managing to calm down Soonyoung, Hansol decided to head to bed; leaving him to do whatever it is he needed to do. Minghao stayed awake, just in case. 

  
Half an hour passed when a few weak knocks came from the door followed by,

_“Soonie~ baby~ I know you’re in there~”_ and then the doorbell rang. Soonyoung instantly recognized that voice. That dumb, drunk voice. He had a bad feeling about this. What he found was Jihoon leaning on the entrance looking so out of it.

  


_“I wanna see him.”_ he said, slurring every word.  _“I wanna see who’s replacing me.”_  he pushed past Soonyoung to find Minghao standing at the end of the hallway.  _“Wha-? This isn’t that boy fuckin’ you in the pitures...”_ he gave an exaggerated gasp,  _“Soonie~... you’re such a whore... I can’t believe you found someone else already... thas too bad... the other one seemed cute...”_

  


Minghao went to see if hansol was asleep already, luckily he wasn’t. They both returned to Soonyoung who still stood at the door.

  


_“Jihoon, you need to leave. You’re drunk.”_

_“Come on... Soonie... baby... I jus wanna know... a few things y’know?”_ Soonyoung rolled his eyes at Jihoon.

_“Seriously, you need t-“_

_“Does he fuck you as good as I did? Hm? Does that string bean on legs make you scream ‘n’ cry ‘n’ beg like I did?”_

  


Hansol held back the urge to laugh, knowing he was referring to Minghao. 

  


_“I’m here, that’s what you wanted to see right? You’ve seen me. You’ve seen he’s happier without you. Now leave.”_ Hansol said at last. Moving closer to Jihoon, instilling a little fear in him. 

_“Yeah... I did wanna see you...”_ Jihoon said, before trying to land a very weak punch on Hansol, which he easily dodged. He shoved Jihoon to the floor, nearly beating him right then and there. But he wasn’t just going to let it slide, Jihoon stood and spit in Hansol’s face, an action that sealed his fate. 

  


Hansol grabbed Jihoon by the shirt, shoving him to the floor once more, but this time climbing on top of him, landing blow after blow. He stopped when he felt Jihoon had had enough, but he’s as stubborn as he is stupid, and Jihoon spit blood at him, laughing right in his face. 

 

Minghao could tell Hansol was going to smash Jihoon’s face to pieces if no one stopped him, so he did. 

_“Hansol! He’s had enough, let him go!”_ he said, as he and Soonyoung rushed to get him off Jihoon before he finished breaking all the bones in his skull.

  


Soonyoung helped Jihoon to his feet, and promptly shoved him out the door, warning him to never seek him out again. Leaving Jihoon, half sober and completely fucked. He stumbled around the streets, looking like he got his shit rocked until he finally found his way to his apartment. 

  


As soon as he stepped through the door, he began undressing. He was mad, sad, and just wanted a shower to call it a night. Making his way into the bathroom, he caught a glance of himself in the mirror making him stop to check just how bad he looked. He had dried blood all over his nose and mouth, and a black eye that was starting to swell. Jihoon knew he was not leaving the house for at least a week. The reality of it all sinking in, he let out a groan as he turned on the shower and finished undressing himself. 

  


A picture fell from his pocket as he took off his pants. It was Soonyoung, looking fucked out of his mind. Part of him hated it, the other loved it. He hated it because he knew what the context of the picture was, that is wasn’t  _him_ who’d fucked Soonyoung until he couldn’t remember his own name, It had been someone else.  Even so he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about his lost gaze, everything about his bare skin made Jihoon weak. Soonyoung could be many things, but one thing no one could deny is that he was immensely attractive. 

  


Jihoon stood under the warm water of his shower for at least half an hour, thinking about how everything got to this point. It didn’t make sense to him why Soonyoung would be so hostile when he was so understanding before. He realized his drunk antics hadn’t helped his case _at all._ If anything, this only solidified the fact that Soonyoung would never take him back.

  


Then, he remembered,  _‘or are going to run back to mingyu and wonwoo?’_ he felt a pit in his stomach, how did he know? Mingyu knew him by name and profession only because Jihoon told him, but Wonwoo certainly didn’t know him. So how  _did S_ oonyoung know? He felt as if his life was shattering around him. If Soonyoung really wanted, he could ruin him. If he knew about Mingyu and Wonwoo, what else did he know? It was all out there and there was nothing he could do about it. He knew now that if he went back to Soonyoung to apologize, his intent would be too obvious. 

  


He had to try to at least find out how he knew. They could compromise, and things would be okay.

  


**[** _ Jihoon, _ _02:39; soonyoung i know you dont want to talk but please how did you know about mingyu and wonu? what else do you know?? please if you tell me ill leave you alone, i just need to know_ **]**

**[** _ Soonyoung, _ _02:42; i know everything. you and mingyu then you and wonu, how you got mingyu to cheat on wonu. i know about everything. now leave me alone._ **]**

**_You can no longer send messages to this person._ **

  


Fuck. So, that really was the end. 

  


Jihoon stopped seeing Mingyu, he didn’t have energy or the will to leave his house. Knowing Soonyoung was happier on his own with whoever it was, it didn’t matter. 

  


The difference between them was that Soonyoung didn’t try to fill the gaps with people like Jihoon had. To Soonyoung it wasn’t an outlet, and it wasn’t a game of jealousy. That’s something he needed to get through his head.

  


Still, somehow he felt that he could make Soonyoung jealous, that he  _had_ to. He wasn’t planning on him ever finding out about Mingyu, much less about Wonwoo, but he’d never expect to see Jihoon with a  _boyfriend._

  


Being a public figure was a curse, but also a blessing. If he ever fucked up, his mistakes would be forged in stone forever, and people would always know him as  _that_. However, it was a blessing because it gave him access to an abundance of resources, and it allowed him to climb socially. This is how he met Jisoo.

  


Jisoo owned a publishing company, which had been handed down to him by his father, like his father before him. He was young, rich, and very,  _very_ attractive. He had the world at his disposal, and he knew how to take advantage of any and every opportunity that presented itself to him. He was what Jihoon wanted. Someone who had it all together, who knew what the real world is. Outspoken and powerful. He’d be dammed if he let Jisoo slip through his fingers. 

  


He’d met Jisoo before at a party, and- much to Jihoon’s avail- he’d taken quite a liking for him since he laid eyes on Jihoon. It was the very first temptation to present itself while he was still dating Soonyoung. Then, he was determined to stay loyal. Now, the world was his oyster and Jisoo his pearl. 

  


Jihoon felt like he had to prove himself to Jisoo somehow, he started being a little more bold in order to earn his trust, and get on his good side. 

  


They began meeting more often, Jihoon began to feel it in his chest, the same way he’d once felt for Soonyoung he was feeling for Jisoo. He felt like he was holding back however, like there was something Jisoo wasn’t saying. 

  


_“Is there something on your mind?”_ he asked cautiously. 

_“You. Plus a few other things.”_ Jisoo replied, facing Jihoon.  _“You know, I hope I’m not reading this wrong, but I’m really into you, Jihoon. I hope it’s mutual.”_ he said warmly, his lips curling up in a smile. Jihoon felt his face turn red, it  _was_ mutual.

_“Y- yeah, I really like you too Jisoo-“_

_“That’s great! There’s something I’ve been meaning to bring up for a bit.”_ he cut Jihoon off, but since he didn’t protest Jisoo continued,  _“I’ve been thinking a lot about you, Jihoon. Nearly everyone who knows me knows about you; and, let’s say, a few friends of mine really want to meet you.”_ he said, a very suspicious undertone to everything he said, nevertheless, he was intrigued. 

_“When do you suppose I can meet them?”_ he asked incredulously, completely unaware and unsuspecting of what was to come. 

  


Jihoon was into some “uncommon” things, but this was one he’d never dwelled in. as it turns out, Jisoo had slightly misled him when he said his friends wanted to “meet” him. 

  


They all went out for drinks, here he met Yoon Jeonghan, Lee Seokmin, Boo Seungkwan, and Lee Chan. At first Jihoon thought that Chan was out of place, being younger than all of them, but he found that his mind was nearly on par with his own. As the night drew to a close, Jisoo suggested they go back to his place to which everyone except Chan agreed to. He said he was headed home, and in between goodbyes he told Jihoon it was in his best interest to do the same.

  


Once at Jisoo’s apartment, they settled down joking and laughing. They were a loud bunch, Jihoon didn’t participate much he was having fun watching them all. 

  


_“Say, Jisoo, so are you and Jihoon actually dating or what?”_ Jeonghan asked loudly, making Jihoon unsure of if he was drunk or just provoking. 

  


_“I mean, yeah, I guess we are. Aren’t we?”_ Jisoo answered, turning to Jihoon. 

  


_“I suppose so.”_ he said smiling, it made him feel fuzzy hearing Jisoo say it. 

  


_“Have you guys fucked yet?”_ Seokmin asked.

  


_“Not yet, come on we haven’t been dating that long.”_

  


_“How about you cross that bridge tonight?”_ Jeonghan asked.  _“Oh yeah, Jeonghan. As if he’d fuck Jihoon in front of us after we’ve just met him.”_ Seungkwan retorted. 

_“I don’t see why not... it’s a good ice breaker... it would really ease the tension.”_ he replied, turning to Jisoo and then Jihoon for a reaction. 

  


_“Not if he’s uncomfortable, plus, what’s it to you guys if we have fucked? Not like you can live vicariously through me forever.”_ Jisoo shot back at them, laughing. 

  


Meanwhile, Jihoon was battling within himself to decide if they were kidding or not. Something told him they weren’t, but at the same time he couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, though, considering  _what if_ he did have sex with Jisoo in front of his friends. The idea was a little exciting to Jihoon. The shamelessness of it making it hotter, just imagining Jisoo under him moaning and whining needy for him, his friends watching how Jihoon fucked him senseless.

 

_“Everything alright there?”_  Jisoo asked, interrupting Jihoon’s little fantasy,  _“They’re kidding, I pro-“_

_“It’s not a bad idea.”_ Jihoon interrupted, he looked around at everyone’s faces Jisoo looking the most shocked out of the three.

_“What do you mean?”_  Jisoo looked genuinely confused.

_“Well, I don’t think it’s a bad idea for us to fuck. Even if it is right in front of them.”_  Jihoon gestured at their spectators.

 

Jisoo couldn’t lie and say he didn’t want to do it, but he didn’t think that Jihoon would be down for that this early on. He thought about it, did he really want to share Jihoon in that way?

_“I’m down, the only condition is that you guys can only watch.”_  Jisoo stated, getting up from where he sat to make his way to Jihoon, where he sat expectantly. Jisoo straddled his lap, eliciting a sigh from Jihoon. He looked up at the boy sitting on top of him, reaching a hand up to grip his jaw, pulling him closer; he leaned in for a kiss, only teasing Jisoo, watching for his reaction. Jisoo tried to make a move, but Jihoon kept his grip in his jaw, stilling Jisoo.

_“Be patient, darling, they want a show so we’re gonna give them one. You’ve gotta be good for me, baby.”_ He cooed, Jisoo smiled and nodded playing along with Jihoon. Unbeknownst to him, Jisoo had other things in mind.

  


The kissing was intense, it was rough and needy. Jisoo ground down into Jihoon, feeling how hard he was, Jihoon moving his hands to his wait to keep him still as he bucked his hips up to meet Jisoo’s hips. A shameless moan escaping Jisoo before he could stop himself. Jihoon kissed and bit all over his neck, never stopping his ministrations. Jisoo got off Jihoon, and got on his knees between his legs, wasting no time pulling Jihoon’s length out of his pants. He held him in his hand before licking from the base up to the tip, causing Jihoon to groan at the feeling of his warm tongue and the cool metal bead against his sensitive skin. He wasn’t the only one groaning, however, as he took a look at their audience. He saw all of them watching intently, the only one stroking himself was Seungkwan.

  


Jihoon took a fistful of Jisoo’s hair, keeping him far enough that he couldn’t put his mouth on him, but close enough for Jihoon to thrust into his mouth if he wanted to.

_“No hands.”_ Jihoon said gently, Jisoo did as he was told waiting patiently for Jihoon’s next move. He moved him closer, guiding Jisoo down his length until his lips were at the base luckily, he didn’t have a gag reflex. Jihoon let out a sigh at the feeling. He eased his grip letting Jisoo come up, he was out of breath. Before Jisoo could finish catching his breath, Jihoon thrust into his mouth, fucking his mouth. Gently at first, getting rougher as he got closer. The feeling of Jisoo’s mouth and throat along with his tongue ring pressing up against his shaft alone being nearly enough to push him over the edge. Just as he was about to cum, he pulled Jisoo away; knowing that if he did, he would be out for the night. He looked so pretty with spit running down his chin, smiling up at him eager for some more.

_“How about you undress for us, baby?”_  Jihoon said calmly, to an eager to please Jisoo. He got up and began taking off his clothes, putting on a show, all eyes were on him and he loved it. He relished in the attention, knowing they were all getting off to him. Jihoon gestured for him move closer, this time, guiding him down with his back pressed to Jihoon’s chest; he could feel his length pressing into him, he unintentionally moved around a bit in his lap causing Jihoon to grip Jisoo’s hips, who innocently smiled and leaned back into his chest. Now he could see how they all watched them. It wasn’t the first time they’d seen him naked, but it certainly was the first they’d seen him this exposed or vulnerable. Jihoon opened his legs, opening Jisoo’s in the process, really putting everything out there. A brief moment of embarrassment washed over him as he tried to cover himself from everyone’s gaze.

  


_“Don’t hide, you look so pretty with your pathetic cock on display like this. Or are you afraid of everyone watching me use you like the dumb, needy whore you are?”_  Jisoo felt humiliated, Jihoon’s words sending tingles all over his body. It made him that much more desperate to be touched.

_“Jihoon, please, I need more.”_  Jisoo begged, guiding his hand to his length. Jihoon held it, making Jisoo sigh.

  


_“Is this what you want? You want me to play with your cock like this?”_  He said, slowly pumping Jisoo’s length making him whine. It felt so good, but it wasn’t enough. He needed more.  _“You make such pretty sounds, I wonder what you’ll sound like when I ruin you.”_  He moved his free hand to play with Jisoos’ whole, eliciting a choked moan from him; he didn’t want to open him just yet, but he did want to hear what other beautiful sounds he could get out of Jisoo.

  


_“God, you’re so beautiful like this, are you gonna be good and cum for me? Why don’t you show us how obedient you are, kitten?”_ Jihoon said, planting an innocent kiss on the back of his neck, convinced Jisoo would keep doing as he was told. Jihoon didn’t stop until Jisoo finally came, crying out for Jihoon’s name, grabbing at his arms, painting his chest and Jihoon’s hand in pretty white ribbons. 

  


Jisoo’s head was spun as he sat there on Jihoon’s legs, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to further the evening, after all he did have his guests waiting.

  


Jihoon looked at the other faces in front of him, and watched as they grinned and exchanged secrets among themselves. “ _I bet you’d be so fun to ruin.”_  Jisoo said, breathless as he let go of Jihoon and attempting to stand up.  _“Don’t look so disappointed, the fun’s only starting! I can’t wait to see you torn apart; I bet you look so pretty with all your holes filled up.”_  His voice was soft and sweet like honey, but there was a disconnect between his tone and his words. Jihoon didn’t really know what to say, he hadn’t considered the others joining them but now that he’d mentioned it, it didn’t sound too bad…

After laying down some ground rules, the real fun ensued. 

  


Jisoo couldn’t have asked for a prettier scene; Jihoon, gasping and drooling, eyes watering with a euphoric gaze as the four of them took turns using him. Jisoo nearly came from watching. He watched as Jeonghan fucked him relentlessly, he might look like an angel, but he has the mind of a devil. He can break anyone down and have them moaning and crying out his name in the same day; and, boy, was he having fun with Jihoon. His hands passing all over Jihoon’s body, earning the sweetest moans from him. For Jeonghan the way Jihoon looked up at him with that face that just screamed  _pure bliss_ was the ultimate reward, he got off on the power held over Jihoon; knowing he was the one helping him touch heaven _._ He wasn’t the only one enjoying Jihoon, however, for at the same time Jeonghan was slamming into him, Seokmin was hilt deep in Jihoon’s mouth; enjoying the way his eyes watered when he pushed himself all the way to the back of his throat. 

  


Jihoon couldn’t even think straight his mind was fogged up, running at a million miles an hour with pleasure, humiliation, and need. All he could focus on was on not choking. 

  


Jisoo, on the other hand, was getting just a little bit impatient. It was fun to watch, but it was a lot more fun to participate. 

  


_“Han, it’s my turn. I want to see how much he can take.”_ Jisoo gestured for Jeonghan to move away, which he did. Jihoon whined at the feeling of being left empty.

  


_“You’re so pretty yet so pathetic, I wonder if you’re prettier crying for release.”_ He cooed, gently caressing Jihoon’s face who instinctively leaned into his touch. Jisoo couldn’t help but want to wrap him up in a blanket and give him all the praise he deserves, but now wasn’t the time for it. Right now he wanted to break him, make him whine and cry for him. So that’s exactly what he did. 

  


It was back to being a show for the other three, as Jisoo turned a once semi coherent Jihoon, into a crying, whiny, drooling mess who only knew how to beg. The devil works hard, but Hong Jisoo works harder. 

  


_“Such a pretty baby,”_ he said, slipping two fingers into Jihoon’s mouth, he looked exhausted but somehow still so eager to please him,  _“have you had enough?”_ Jihoon nodded his head slowly, his body ached in all the right ways, and he wanted Jisoo to make it all go away.  _“I suppose, we can call it a night right?”_ He removed his fingers from Jihoon’s mouth, smearing spit on his cheek before drawing back. 

  


_“Alright, goodnight everyone. Leave.”_ He got up, making his way to the bathroom to clean himself off before returning to Jihoon when he heard his guests protest. He walked back to the living room, his presence being enough to make even Jihoon feel intimidated 

  


_“Oh? It isn’t fair is it? Need I remind you all, Jihoon isn’t yours. He’s my boyfriend. Now, if this is an issue then you can kindly leave  **my** apartment and proceed to promptly exit my life. I don’t host this for you to whine when you don’t get what you want. Beggars can’t be choosers.” _His words were enough to make them leave without another word, leaving Jihoon a little scared, feeling like he should leave too. His thoughts were interrupted, however, by Jisoo helping him up. He’d run a bath for Jihoon, so they could wash up together. 

  


It was a sweet moment for Jisoo, having a sleepy Jihoon sit in front of him as they soaked, a lazy grin decorating his face. He hated to admit that maybe, he really was into this boy. He hated to admit how cute his giggle was when Jisoo praised him, telling him how pretty he is, how good and obedient he is. The way he struggles to stay awake, his eyes fighting off sleep. He kind of wanted to stay in this moment a little longer, just the two of them like that.  

  


_“Are you sleepy?”_ He asked, Jihoon nodded and went to rub at his face with wet hands, Jisoo stopped him,  _“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”_

  


He got up, grabbing two towels one for Jihoon and the other for himself, he helped Jihoon up from the tub wrapping him in the towel. Guiding him to his room, between giggles and shy smiles, he let him borrow clean clothes so he’d sleep soundly. He hated how cute Jihoon looked in his clothes that were too big for his small frame. He hated the way he slept so soundly in his bed. He hated everything about it, he wasn’t good with relationships and he could tell Jihoon wasn’t either, that made it all the more dangerous to lie with him like that. Fully aware that he’d be heartbroken as easily as he’d fallen in love. 

 

Jihoon woke up in an empty bed, in a room that wasn’t his. He’d dreamed of Soonyoung, which was a bad sign. Why was it that when he wanted to move on, everything led back to him? It made him feel guilty for even leading on Jisoo like this. The way things had ended wasn’t in one that gave him any closure. He just, wanted to talk to Soonyoung. Work things out, even if they didn’t end up together Jihoon was willing to risk it all. He had to make things right. Apologize, show that he wasn’t half as rotten as Soonyoung thought.

He looked around Jisoo’s place, but he was nowhere to be found. So he got dressed, and left. He texted Jisoo as he left. He promptly suggested they should meet up for lunch, saying he’d pick up Jihoon at twelve. And so he did.

The drive was relatively short, but it felt even shorter from how far into the conversation they were. When Jihoon got out of the car to face the place Jisoo had driven them to, his heart sank. _Everything always led back to him._

_“Is everything alright?”_ Jisoo asked, a little concerned. Jihoon didn’t want to tell Jisoo that this is the absolute _worst_ place to have brought him, he instead asked why he chose this one café from every other one they could’ve gone to.

_“I’ve heard the food’s good, and that the ambient is equally good. Also that the owner is cute.”_ He said, winking at Jihoon. Did he know? He’d have to find out later. For now he had to swallow what little pride he had left and face his worst fear.

They walked in together, Jihoon let Jisoo order for them. He went to find somewhere to sit, much to his dismay, there was only one table available. The one that had started it all. He sat facing the front counter, which was a mistake. He watched as Jisoo ordered the food, whoever was taking his order sure made Jisoo smile and chuckle… It wasn’t until Jisoo walked back to him that he could see who it was. ‘ _This can’t get any worse.’_ he thought. Just making sure to stay out of sight. He turned his attention to the boy sitting in front of him instead. The tensions cleared up a little, as they sat waiting. As fate would have it, none other than Kwon Soonyoung himself was on his way to serve their food. The bright smile he always wore on his face disappearing as soon as he saw Jihoon. Ignoring him completely he set their food down, giving Jisoo a smile before walking off.

_“There’s something you’re not telling me, Jihoon.”_ Jisoo accused. He was right, he figured this was a good a time as any to tell him.

_“You’re right. The guy who just brought our food, the dude who rang up your order, that’s Kwon Soonyoung; A.K.A. the owner, A.K.A. my ex-boyfriend. And he isn’t too fond of me.”_ He admitted, guilt in his tone. Jisoo sat back for a second, taking it all in. He looked at Jihoon with a look that could only be described as distaste.

_“What did you do for him to not ‘be so fond’ of you?”_ Jisoo really had no mercy. He had nothing to hid, and his dignity had already left him that night he had to stumble around town looking like a human punching bag.

_“I went to his house, drunk, after he told me to stay away from him. I was jealous, envious, and very out of my own head. He’d told me before that he’d found someone else. And for some stupid reason I went to his house when he wasn’t there, took one of his polaroids and left him a stupid message. A week after, when he came home he texted me angry about what I’d done. He told me that if I so desperately wanted to know who he was dating, that I should go find out for myself. I was drunk so of course my first stupid instinct was to go, I did, made a fool of myself, and got the shit beat out of me for it. By his boyfriend. I haven’t spoken to him since. Hadn’t seen him either, until right now. That’s that. Anything else you might want to know.?”_ He finished, that last sentence wasn’t an invitation but Jisoo took it as one anyway.

_“Yeah, how long did you guys date?”_

_“Almost two years.”_

Jisoo remained silent. He didn’t have anything else to say to Jihoon.

After then, Jisoo strayed away from Jihoon, telling him to sort out his life. Which was an easy exit for him as well, not really wanting to break Jihoon’s heart. Nevertheless, it still hurt. It hurt that his own stupid actions got him into this mess, that the past was constantly fucking him up. He couldn’t escape from it. He needed to talk to Soonyoung like adults. No shady intentions, no lies. Just the truth. So that’s what he did, he went to find Soonyoung again. He somehow convinced him to take a walk with him.

They were silent at first, until Jihoon broke the silence.

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I don’t believe you.”_

_“I know.”_

It hurt, it really fucking hurt to hear that. He didn’t expect anything less. He knew that his actions spoke for him. So he tried again.

_“I really am sorry, Soonyoung. I am. I’m sorry for acting like such an asshole. I’m sorry for not letting go. I’m sorry for being so childish. I’m sorry.”_

_“Apology accepted, can I leave now?”_

Fuck. He needed to get through to him.

_“It hurts, Soonie. It hurts that you’re so cold. I miss you. I miss the life we had. It hurts going to sleep in an empty bed, in an empty house. I just, I know you’re not going to take me back. I know you’re happy with that guy, that your life is better without me in it. But I didn’t know what else to do. My life has been miserable since the moment I walked out that night all those months ago. I haven’t been able to let go. Even with Jisoo, I felt like I was lying to him. The first night I slept in his bed I dreamed of you. It all leads back to you, always.”_

Soonyoung had nothing to say. He hated that his words actually brought tears to his eyes. He didn’t feel sad, he felt angry. Angry at Jihoon, angry at his words. How dare he? After all this time, dropping all these feelings on him, as if it’d fix anything.

_“I’ve been rebuilding my life since you left. I don’t need you. You think that coming back almost a year later, with all this would somehow make me forgive you? Do you have any idea how hard it was to let go? How fucking heartbreaking it was to find out you’d moved on so fast? And to someone who already had a boyfriend no less. You’re fucking awful Jihoon. You were awful to me, you were awful to Mingyu and Wonwoo. You were awful to Jisoo. How fucking dare you? Thinking you could just fuck the feelings away, thinking I wouldn’t find out. You left. I had to pick up all the broken pieces and move on. And you know what? You won’t hurt anymore. In fact, you’ll never have to think about me anymore. I’m glad I’m leaving this town, and you behind with it.”_ Tears were falling down Soonyoung’s face, everything being thrown out in the open.

He was at a loss for words, Soonyoung was leaving? He felt like crying too. He felt the knot in his throat beginning to well up.

_“I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.”_ He choked out.

Jihoon couldn’t stop the tears streaming down his face. Everything was fucked, all because he decided to be childish and leave Soonyoung when he most likely needed him most. He feared this is how things would end up, so he brought one last memory he wanted to share with Soonyoung.

_“I know you never want to see me again, but I want you to have this.” _He held out a little brown envelope for Soonyoung to take. He took it reluctantly.__

____

___“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Jihoon, I really do.” ____ _

______ _ _

_____“I hope you’re happy, wherever it is you end up, Soonie.” ____ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to jo for inspiring this uwie


	3. Sick Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

Jihoon decided that for once, he’d put all his emotions into something productive. Maybe this time, things would turn out alright. No one would get hurt, he wouldn’t get hurt, and he’d grow from it. For once, his life wouldn’t be a train wreck. He hoped that whatever came of his work, it somehow reached Soonyoung. It always did in one way or another.

Being alone was something he didn’t quite know how to handle, especially now that he had no one left to turn to. He couldn’t help but look around his home and remember when he and Soonyoung first started dating, that Christmas almost two years ago. How nervous he had been to bring him home, the frantic cleaning and decorating the day before. He remembered how proud he was when he wrapped Soonyoung’s gift. They shared their first kiss right there in his living room, his presence still lingered there. It hurt to think about everything they had shared there, it was like pouring salt in his wounds. He sat in the very same sofa that they’d shared many nights before, he looked at the pictures of them around him. More than anything, he missed hearing the way Soonyoung said, _“I love you.”_

He missed the pet names, the way he hummed along to whatever song he was listening to, his laugh, his smile… he missed Soonyoung, all of him. It killed him that through his own mistakes, he’d lost someone so beautiful. Traded momentary happiness for this, this miserable loneliness.

Picking up the pieces, slowly but surely he’d put himself back together.

 

Soonyoung, on the other hand, wasted no time moving his life along. To say he wasn’t hurt would be lying, but he had already cried for Jihoon enough. He’d already wasted too many sleepless nights wallowing in the past and empty wishes of returning to each other. That night he went home, and decided to permanently close that chapter of his life.

He went around his apartment, packing up his things, throwing other things away. Everything was being cleared, except for everything that reminded him of Jihoon. He felt guilty throwing those things away, so he decided that he’d put them in a box that he’d take them to Jihoon’s apartment before he left.

Everything was going smoothly, until he came across something that nearly brought him to tears. Jihoon’s old notebook, the very first gift he gave Soonyoung. Against his better judgment, he flipped through it. It was a mistake, he hadn’t looked through it since Jihoon had given it to him. Every single word hurt, every sentence, every paragraph. It all hurt. The entire thing was filled with different observations of Soonyoung. Front to back, almost an A-Z on everything that made him beautiful to Jihoon. Little notes of the days they’d spent together in his shop. Down to what he wore that day, how he’d styled his hair. It was all there, _‘Lonely moon… I could be the lonely moon to the brightest star.’_ His heart ached reading his words. The words of a boy in love, a love so pure it made him wonder where it all went wrong.

He couldn’t bring himself to give it back to Jihoon, but he didn’t want to keep it since it would be like keeping a piece of Jihoon with him, but he just couldn’t get rid of it. No one had to know he still had it, Jihoon probably didn’t even remember it so it had to be fine to keep it…

Something then came to mind, _the note._ Jihoon had given him an envelope that night; he had put it aside with no intention of opening it, but now, he needed to see what it said. So, he did.

_“To the light of my life,_

_I love you. No matter the worlds between us, I’ll always find you, my shining star. Ever since I first saw you, all those years ago working your hardest in your little shop, I knew that I wanted to know you. When I did, I fell in love instantly. Every time you said my name I could feel my heart race. I wanted to be part of your life, and I wanted to share my own with you. Even if you don’t think so, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. Inside and out. From your smile to the thoughts in your head, you’re absolutely incredible.  There’s nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my life with you. I hope you want it too._

_Your lonely moon,_

_Hoonie”_

Needless to say, Soonyoung was broken. It broke him entirely to read that. The thought of the life they could’ve had flooded his mind. It’s what they’d always wanted; and now here they were, about to part ways forever. It was really all gone.

The entire process of packing up took around 3 days, of nothing but completely emptying out his apartment. The only thing left was to drop off Jihoon’s things, the thought of going to his place after all this time made his heart race. He felt it in his gut. Regardless, he mustered up the courage to go, telling himself that it’s only handing him the box, saying goodbye and it’s over. That was it. He walked up the stairs to his place, unsure of if Jihoon was even home, secretly hoping he wasn’t. He made it to his door, hesitating for a moment. Considering turning around and simply throwing away his things and calling it a day. His hand moved faster than his mind, ringing the doorbell. It hit him all at once, what he was doing, who he was about to face again. He decided it was best if he saw him this last time.

_“I didn’t expect to ever see you here again. Do you need something?”_ Jihoon said timidly, unsure of if he was hallucinating.

_“I- uh, yeah. This is yours.”_ He managed to get out, holding the box out for Jihoon to take. He eyed it suspiciously but took it anyway.

_“So that’s it. This is how it ends.”_

_“I guess so.”_

_“I still love you, you know. I always will.”_

Soonyoung couldn’t help himself, or the actions that followed. He kissed Jihoon. Neither of them pulled away, it felt like the first time all over again. Jihoon was the first to pull away, he put the box down, pulling Soonyoung into his apartment. Neither of them knew exactly why they were doing this, it simply happened. Hungry kisses, and wandering hands bumping into walls and doorframes as they made their way to the bedroom. Soonyoung hated it, he hated how right it felt. He hated how he craved more of Jihoon, almost like his body was missing a piece. He hated how Jihoon’s hands still knew their way around his body, eliciting whimpers and sighs from him. It felt so new, he couldn’t stop himself. Soonyoung needed it. He needed to feel Jihoon one last time.

Jihoon woke up to an empty bed, hating himself. He let Soonyoung go, and he was never coming back. The reality of it all fell on him then, Soonoyung had started building his own life already, he had tempted him the way he did to Mingyu, knowing fully that there was someone waiting for him at home. At least it would be the last time, he could let go of Soonyoung too, rebuild his life, and be happy. Without Soonyoung. His Soonie, the love of his life. The light that guided him. He told himself he’d be just fine.

When you tell a lie enough times, you start believing it. Jihoon just had to keep living his lie.

 

Soonyoung left Jihoon’s apartment feeling disgusting. He threw up on his way back to his car. He hated himself, even when every cell in his body screamed at him to simply leave, to not go through with it, he did it anyway. He was no better than Jihoon now. He’d betrayed Hansol and Minghao, all for a night with someone he didn’t love anymore. He should’ve never gone to his apartment, he should’ve just thrown his things out with the rest of the useless belongings he had. He could only hope and pray that they would forgive him. Soonyoung debated not even telling them, but how could he not? At that point he’d be no better than Mingyu. He told himself that things can be fixed, the key is communication. As long as he doesn’t lie, things can work out. Sitting there in his car, crying out of desperation and guilt, he decided to call Hansol. Soonyoung didn’t know what else to do, so as soon as Hansol picked up he confessed everything. From going to Jihoon’s place to sleeping with him, to now sitting in his car feeling like shit. Hansol said nothing at first, the silence killing Soonyoung slowly.

_“Why’d you do it.”_ He asked, his voice cold, the hurt noticeable. Soonyoung was at a loss of words, he didn’t know why he did it.

_“I- I don’t know. All I wanted was to give him his things back.”_ He sobbed, leaning his forehead on the steering wheel; he knew nothing good would come of this.

_“You went to return his things, and wound up fucking him. Glad to know he has fucking dignity back.”_ Hansol said, his words filled with poison. It was obvious he was angry; he had every right to be. _“We’ll talk about it when you get here.”_ He said, hanging up as soon as he finished his sentence.

He was afraid. He was on his way to the chance of not having anywhere to stay, and an unstable life; all because he let himself be tempted by Jihoon. It always led back to him, everything always did. For once, he was actually scared of what was to come. Soonyoung actually considered disappearing, to save Minghao and Hansol the pain of the betrayal. He couldn’t do that; he couldn’t be a coward and hide from his problems. He needed to face things, the same way he did when Jihoon left; even if things didn’t work out now, they would eventually.

Soonyoung pulled up to Hansol’s place, sitting in his car yet again; preparing himself for what waited for him inside. He made his way up, without any of his belongings. Just in case. After taking his time going up to the door, he took a deep breath and walked through the door. Minghao sat by himself in the living room looking both sad and mortified.

_“Where’s Hansol?”_ Soonyoung asked, his tone like that of a scolded child.

_“He went out a few hours ago.”_ Minghao replied, dryly. _“He was distraught you know, and I’m worried of what he might be doing out there.”_ He continued. _“There’s no excuse for what you did, but that doesn’t mean that you’re beyond forgiveness. While Hansol is angry and heartbroken, it doesn’t have to be the end. Tell me the truth, do you still love him?”_ His words weighed heavy on Soonyoung, he hesitated; he wasn’t sure.

_“I don’t. I don’t love him. I love Hansol, I love you, Minghao.”_ He could feel the tears sting at his again already, he was lying and he knew it. Minghao simply observed him without a word. _“I’m sorry, I really am. I promise it was just a moment of weakness. I don’t know why I did it. I just, did.”_ He said, the tears already streaming down his face, the words becoming harder to form. _“But I felt like shit afterwards, I hated myself for hurting you like this. You don’t deserve to go through this. And it’s my fault. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”_ Soonyoung fell to his knees then, it was pathetic, but he had no strength left.

It broke Minghao’s heart seeing Soonyoung so torn up, but it hurt even more to know that Hansol wouldn’t forgive him.

_“I never want to see him again, Hao, I hate him.”_

He could only hope that Hansol could put it aside and give Soonyoung a second chance.

They waited for him to return, Soonyoung telling Minghao exactly what happened. It was clear that it was a real moment of weakness, which he understood. If it were up to Minghao, he would’ve already forgiven him and comforted him, assuring him that things would be fine. All that was left was for Hansol to come home. He’d been out for a long time already, by the time he finally arrived, he was drunk. Now, he didn’t drink much to begin with but he didn’t particularly care. He just wanted to calm his anger with something, anything.

_“I fucking trusted you. You’re a real piece of shit, you know that? I can’t fucking believe you.”_ Those were the first words Hansol slurred to Soonyoung, he knew he deserved it though. _“You still have the fucking nerve to show up here. What’s next? You’re gonna fuck my friends too?”_ He walked past them, Minghao followed him attempting to calm him down; however, Hansol was too worked up and too drunk. Everything was being thrown out into the open.

_“I know why you’re fucking defending him,”_ he chuckled, _“I know you always wanted him for yourself. You think I didn’t see it? You think I’m that fucking blind? I’m young but not that fucking naïve. Well, he’s fucking yours, he can get lost for all I fucking care.”_ His words were vicious, their intent was to hurt, and so they did. Minghao was a strong man but this, this deeply hurt him. He didn’t cry often, but that was the most noticeable thing when he stormed out of the room, away from Hansol.

_“Let’s go. You can stay with me.”_ He said, not letting his voice break for a second. He didn’t want to give Hansol the satisfaction of seeing him hurt. So they left, Soonyoung drove in silence to Minghao’s place. They said nothing, but the silence was fine. Every now and again, he glanced at Minghao, watching as he blankly stared out the window with tears rolling down his face. Even now, like this, he looked so serene. Soonyoung couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he still was.

_“We’ll be fine, Soonyoung, he’ll come to his senses in the morning. I hope.”_ Minghao said, his words coming out broken, as if he wasn’t too sure of if they’d actually be okay. Soonyoung gave him a sad smile and a weak nod, not trusting his voice to come out. _“What you need is to rest, that’s what’s important right now.”_ He said with a little nod of his own, wiping away his tears.

Once in Minghao’s apartment, they decided to unpack his things later. Time had escaped them entirely. Both of them going to bed as the clock struck 2AM. Soonyoung fell asleep almost immediately, but uncertainty ate away at Minghao. He was worried for both of them, for Hansol. For their future together. He didn’t want things to end badly between the three of them. But after Hansol’s words, he wasn’t so sure that there was any going back. He was afraid of being forced to choose. Minghao closed his eyes, hoping that when he woke up this would’ve all been just a bad dream.

He woke up to see Soonyoung sound asleep next to him, something in him felt guilty; although he wasn’t sure why. His thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. Ten missed calls, and messages flooding his screen. It was Hansol. He expected to see something along the lines of an apology, but instead it was all telling him to stay away, that he didn’t want to see either of them. Minghao didn’t dignify him with a response, deciding it best to block his number for a little bit of peace.  He got out of bed, and made his way to Soonyoung’s car to get started with the unpacking process. It would help take his mind off Hansol. Eventually Soonyoung woke up, also getting to work on unloading his car. They worked talking amongst themselves, laughing, joking; as if nothing had happened. As Minghao was carrying a box upstairs, something fell out of it, he put the box aside to pick up the object. It was a notebook. He put it back in the box and continued on his way. Taking it out once he was inside. He didn’t know whether it’d be appropriate to look inside, maybe it was harmless. What he found was a lot of text about Soonyoung. Things that resembled unfinished letters. As he flipped through it an envelope fell out. He picked it up, and read what was inside.

Soonyoung found Minghao standing there in his living room, little tears falling from his face, notebook and letter in hand. He knew exactly what he’d seen.

_“Is this why you did it?”_ He said, tightening his grip on the objects. Soonyoung didn’t know what to say.

_“I don’t know. Maybe subconsciously.”_

_“I asked you if you loved him. You told me you didn’t. What else are you hiding?”_

_“Nothing. I’m not hiding anything.”_

_“You read this, and you say it didn’t make you feel anything? Nothing? Not even a twinge of regret, of sadness, of anything?”_ Minghao sounded a lot more hurt than Soonyoung had been when he read them.

_“It doesn’t matter whether I love him or not, I don’t want to love him. He’s done nothing but hurt me since he chose to leave. He can tell me that he’d give up his life for me, and I wouldn’t want him back.”_ Soonyoung had never been so unsure of anything he’d said before. He knew he was lying, but there was no way he’d go back to Jihoon. Whatever they had is long gone. They were both responsible for burning the bridge between them. A reality that was hard for Soonyoung to admit.

_“Well, maybe you should go back to him. Maybe we weren’t meant to be. You can leave right now, go visit him, work things out, and I won’t resent you. Even if things don’t work, you can come back. You gave up so easily, only to ruin what was waiting for you with him. That doesn’t sound like you don’t love him, truthfully.”_

Minghao was right in a way, maybe Soonyoung had given up too easily; only to do what he’d condemned Jihoon for doing.

So, the following day they went to the train station. He watched through his window as Minghao got smaller and smaller. He sat back dreading what was to come. Not really knowing what he was going to do. He couldn’t really worry about it now, there was no turning back. His head spun with all the possibilities, of what could and probably would happen. It didn’t deter him, however, as Minghao’s words reassured him. They rang through his head, hoping that he was right.

He felt nauseous simply from being in front of his complex. Still, he went, trudging up feeling his insides turn all the way. Once again, he stood at the door. Hesitating, considering just leaving yet again. But he had to endure it, he needed to either fix things or find closure, and he wasn’t leaving until he got either of those. He rang the doorbell, anxiety creeping up on him while he waited.

_“Just a second!”_ Jihoon exclaimed from the inside. So he waited a little longer, this was his only chance to leave. He shook the thought away; he can’t run away from his problems. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Finally the door opened, Jihoon stood there, hair still wet from being fresh out of the shower. He looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

_“What did I do this time?”_ He said, trying to ease the tension a little. Soonyoung half smiled at that.

_“I’m the one who fucked up this time. We need to talk, properly. Can I come in?”_ He asked, his tone a lot lighter than he felt. Jihoon moved aside to let him in. They sat in the living room, not really saying anything at first.

_“So, what brings you here?”_ He asked even though he was sure he knew exactly why he was there.

_“I told Hansol what happened, essentially shattering our relationship; affecting Minghao in the process. He told me to come find you and figure things out.”_ He admitted. It felt strange talking so normally after so long, after all the fights.

_“I’m sorry. I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have brought you in.”_

_“I shouldn’t have kissed you to begin with. We’re both to blame.”_

They sat in silence again. So Soonyoung spoke,

_“Truthfully, if it hadn’t been because I kept your notebook and the letter you gave me, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. I’d probably be hundreds of miles away, picking up the pieces of what I broke with someone who loves me more than I love them.”_ He said, the guilt present in his voice. Jihoon thought about that for a little, not really sure how those things correlated to their situation, the confusion evident in his face. _“Minghao found both of them, he read them. He made me question whether I loved you or not. So here I am.”_

_“So what **do** you feel?” _He asked, a little afraid of what the answer would be. Soonyoung looked away from Jihoon, not really knowing what to say.

_“Something in me, made me kiss you. It made me do what I did. I wanted it as much as you did. And now, through your gift, and your words, I’m here again. Everything leads me back to you. What do you make of that?”_

Jihoon didn’t really know. If this was his confession, it felt a little anti climatic. He’d built it up so impossible in his head that hearing it now, seemed kind of unreal.

_“I want you to know, I never stopped thinking about you. I regretted leaving since the moment I walked out the door.”_ He said, not taking his eyes off Soonyoung. _“I thought I’d never be able to talk to you again, especially after what we did.”_

_“I’m sorry. For leaving you behind, for pushing you aside, for giving up so easily.”_ Soonyoung admitted, he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He watched Jihoon for a reaction.

_“Well, I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel. You replaced me, you made your life outside of me; and I don’t blame you, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. Because it hurt like hell.”_ Jihoon sounded hurt, but he continued trying not to let the knot in his throat get in the way. _“And, it felt like I didn’t matter at all, you seemed so happy without me. What got me the most, though, was when you found ‘someone who wasn’t me’.”_

The words were heavy in Soonyoung’s conscience. At the time he meant them, he wanted to do anything to hurt Jihoon the way he’d hurt. His choice of words wasn’t coincidental. It was purposefully to hurt Jihoon’s pride. But now, he was sorry that he’d said them at all. He should’ve kept it to himself, it would’ve stopped this mess from happening. He wouldn’t have to be facing the mess they’d made. He was as guilty as Jihoon was.

_“Coming here was a mistake. I’m sorry.”_ He said, as he began getting up.

_“Wait, wait. What do you mean a mistake? You’re the one who came back. Why? There’s nothing left for us here. Plus, I might not even be here for much longer either. You can go back to your perfect life and your pretty boyfriend, and I can move away and start again. We can become better, and maybe even be happier.”_

_“No, Jihoon, you don’t get it. My life isn’t fucking perfect, yours isn’t either. We’re messy. We don’t know what we want. I don’t know what I want. Do you?”_ Soonyoung was beginning to choke up. Standing there ready to leave, maybe for the last time. Everything went through his head. Right down to that fateful night when they’d committed the ultimate sin.

_“I want you.”_ Jihoon stated firmly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i'm sorry again. hope you enjoyed this ride with me, see u on the flip side, friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a year ago,, and i left it alone for a bit until one of my friends convinced me it was a good idea to continue it. Here is that ig.


End file.
